Rambling into the Unknown

2011-06-22T17:22:00.001-05:00

jdwtjppwa
~ Katie

2 months

2010-12-20T11:05:00.000-06:00

WoW! It's been almost 2 months since I've blogged. I've really missed it- alot!!

My new job is going great. I'm still with the same company, just moved to a different department. It warms my heart when I hear "I can't wait for them to make you permanent. We really need you." Sometimes it's nice to hear you're doing a good job- ya know? It took a little getting use to- actually talking to people in person on a daily basis. and being busy the whole entire time. Not feeling guilty for eating lunch or going out to lunch. The bad news is, I haven't read a book since I moved to this department and I am so far behind in my blog reading, I don't think I will ever catch up. I stay pretty busy and only have maybe an hour of downtime- which is when I am paying bills, reading the news and my email. Things will get better when I get them all caught up and organized- you would not believe the mess! Which means job security for me :)

So um...that's pretty much it. I wake up, go to work, go home, cook/clean, go to bed. Repeat. Not much of a life ...lol!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE !!

Few and far between

2010-10-31T15:03:00.000-05:00

Well my blogging is about to be even more sparse than it already is...probably none existent...eek!!

This past week, I was informed that the company that I work for was doing away with my job position...it's really not surprising. They should have done away with it along time ago. However, it's not a good feeling to hear that it's actually happening. On the plus side, they are moving me- temporarily- to another position. So I have 6 months to prove to these people that the new group needs someone to keep them organized and up to speed on the admin front, and to prove that I am the person to do all of this. It's going to be crazy these next 6 months!! crazy crazy crazy!!

So Friday I started the new position, along with coming down with the crud. Nothing says HIRE ME like phlegm, nose blowing and constant cough. lol! Funny story...there are like 2 woman who work with the group...me and this other lady. I had got a 32 oz sweet tea from sonic before heading to work, so by 10 I had to go. All I can find is a men's bathroom. fast forward to 3 pm and my eyes are swimming and I'm wishing I had depends or something :) I'm sitting in my new managers office going over some things, and he's like do you have any questions... um yeah! where's the freak'n bathroom? lol! I finally found the br and when I turn around to flush- there's no handle. No nothing. It doesn't even look like there is water in the tank. OMG! What am I going to do? I finally figured out how to flush- which involves some fancy hand maneuvering inside the tank. It's definitely going to be an interesting 6 months.

So that's what I'll be doing. Fighting to keep a job and getting over this flu like crap that's taken over my body. Bring it on!

Mission Trip Give away

2010-10-27T09:52:00.000-05:00

Click on the above button to find out more!! or just go just click ---> HERE

Yakkity yak

2010-10-12T10:18:00.000-05:00

It's so hard to blog these days when there is nothing that I'm really hoping for. Sort of like my day dream life...I use to have day dreams about babies and what not...now...eh...it just doesn't do it for me anymore. Crazy how things turn out. I'm still in shock that I am still super at peace with our decision to do the no kid route. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and me to go ballistic. Actually, I think Cole is waiting for that to happen too. It's kind of funny how I use to torture myself with those tv shows that I knew would set my baby mind into motion and would be hell on us for a few days/weeks/months...but now I get it. I don't want to torture either one of us- or punish us, because that's really what I was doing subconsciously. I realize that now. I just hate that it's taken me so long to figure some of this out...but that's part of the journey right? Instead of watching those shows, I just say, nah I don't feel like watching it. Sort of like I see what's going to happen on Grey's this week, and I just don't want to watch it. I don't want to get sucked back into those feelings again...because that's what happens. I empathize way too much. I have never experienced the loss of a child or miscarriage, but you can tell me all about it, and I will feel it just like you. You can tell me you burned your hand, and I feel it too. So no. I don't want to go back to feeling hopeless in search of a baby and that's how I would feel watching Meridith and McDreamy do the testing stuff. So over it!

I thought I might quit the fall bible study. These past few weeks have been killer on me, and I wasn't sure if I could keep it up. Not real life things, but the things we've been discussing in the study. Then the bff texted me and said she was quitting...and there was my exit door. But then, I kept watching the clock inch closer to 6 and I really didn't have a good excuse for not going. So I went. I'm glad I did. The lessons may be killer on me in a personal sense, but they are helping me to grow beyond that person. I need that. It's also funny that during the video lesson, Beth Moore said, turn to your neighbor and tell them " Don't you dare quit!" haha!

How to spend your anniversary

2010-10-05T14:57:00.001-05:00

How did we spend our 3rd anniversary?

Bright sun. warm sand, clear ocean lapping at your feet...aww. can't ya just see it. sitting in a lounge chair, ocean side with a mai-tai in hand...nope

Las Vegas! Bright lights. naked girls. smoky back rooms. empty pockets...nope

romantic candle lit dinner, secluded table, soft music playing in the air...

nope

We spent it fighting a fire...well, more like watching our volunteer fire department and the Texas Forest Service fighting a fire. Some idiot- on accident or on purpose- started a fire around 330 yesterday afternoon not very far from my house. At 4:06 pm, I am getting a phone call from my dad to get home now because the fire was moving towards my house. You ever feel like the world stands still around you. That's how it was when Troy was put in ICU that last time...the world stood still and I was the only one in motion. No cops. No traffic. No rude drivers. and that's how it was yesterday as I drove like the bandit to get home. I could see the smoke on the horizon from my job- that is 12 minutes from my house. And the closer I got the darker the smoke got. It was a sick feeling. All I could think was " thank you dear Jesus that my daddy was home and he got my furbabies out of the house." I don't know why all those drivers got out of my way- maybe they sense my urgency or maybe they didn't want to be rammed by a big, blue tundra...who knows. I was prepared to do what I had to to get home. When I did get home, and saw the black smoke billowing towards the house and a red haze through the trees...my knees were knocking and my hands were shaking. I could have easily threw up because it was a sick, sick sight. The forestry service arrived around 4:30 and we could hear the bull dozer making paths. We watched the wind die down and pick up. We could hear the radios of the fire fighters and forestry people. It was pretty intense just watching and waiting. Luckily, the forestry service were able to cut a nice little path around the fire and it was contained by 7....but that still doesn't mean I slept all that great last night :) In the end, there was about 100 yards b/w my house and the fire and 20 yards b/w our neighbors' house and the fire...whew!

Big shout out to our volunteer firefighters and forestry service! It was the 4th fire that day!!

In other news, please send some love and prayers on Laila's behalf. She had her heart cath yesterday, and the news wasn't something that was expected. Visit the story at their blog:

http://ourgirlyinchina.blogspot.com/

Happy Anniversary!!

2010-09-30T10:18:00.000-05:00

In celebration of our not killing each other these last 3 years!

1. When is your "engagement" anniversary?

June 9, 2007 – we went to see Spamalot at the Hobby Center in Houston. He gave me my ring in the parking garage before the show- and no, he did not ask me to marry him… I use to joke around that whoever I married would probably just hand me a ring and not bother to ask…lol! But it’s all good. We ate at Salt Grass after the show and was texting pics to everyone.

2. When is your "marriage" anniversary?

October 4, 2007 we got married in Eureka Springs, Arkansas on a beautiful afternoon. It was like 75 degrees outside and the leaves were just turning colors for the fall, a slight breeze in the air and not a cloud in the sky.

3. How long have you known your spouse?

Four years.

4. How long did you date before you were engaged?

1 year and 4 days

I knew on our first date he was the “one” but he needed to make sure I could handle hunting season…lol!

5. Where did you meet your spouse for the first time?

We met at FBC Buna church parking lot, then went and saw X-men, went bowling, Wal-mart, and rode around the deer lease

6. What is your spouses full name?

Cole

7. Do you have any children?

Marlee Pearl and Trigger Happy

8. How many? Boys/Girls

If you ask him, one of each is okay. He doesn’t really care. Me- I want 3 boys and 1 girl

9. Do you have any house pets?

Don't tell them they are pets! They think they are people just like us, and Marlee expects you to treat her as such. They know they are our babies and you will hear us ask them " who's baby are you?" And we call Marlee our baby girl and Trigger our little man. They don't wear clothes though, although Marlee does wear a camo jacket in the winter sometimes. They bring me a lot of joy and keep me grounded most of the time. Marlee loves to watch Glee and Trigger loves to watch Duck Commander and like Beyonce's Single Ladies video :)

10. Do you own a house or rent?

We own a single wide mobile home on a few acres of land.

11. Do you live in the country/town/city?

Country. No city for us. Give us the woods over the concrete

12. What is one of your favorite activities to do together?

check girls out and decided if their boobs are real…lol! We like going to the movies and out to eat. We like going mudding and riding the back roads. We enjoy each other’s company for the most part.

13. Do you have a favorite vacation spot?

um no! We haven’t even been on a honeymoon. He’s favorite spot would be the deer lease. We’re planning on taking a vacation for our 5 year anniversary and I’ve already laid down the law that we are going somewhere that does not involve animals

14. When did you first kiss?

our second date. We were on a mud ride about to go through a really nasty hole that 3 people had already gotten stuck in, and right before we got to the edge of the hole, he turned around and gave me a quick peck. He’s such a romantic don’t ya know

15. What church do you attend?

FBC Buna

16. Is this the church you were married in?

um no. We got married in the Garden of Dreams

17. What town is your current address at?

Deep in the Heart of Texas and the town is home to the Polka Dotted House

18. Do you work or stay home?

Work but getting closer every day to staying at home

19. Where did you go on your honeymoon?

No where. We got married on a Thursday in Eureka Springs, got back to Texas on Saturday night, and Cole left for the deer lease the next day. So Cole went on a 17 day honeymoon to Alto, TX to kill deer

20. What was the funniest gift one of you gave while dating?

The only gifts we gave while we were dating were for Christmas and his birthday.

21. How long have you been together?

four years 3 months and a handful of days

22. How long did you know each other before you started dating?

23. Who asked who out?

Well, he wanted Troy’s cell number, so I slipped mine in with Troy’s saying in case he couldn’t get my brother. That’s how I roll.

24. How old are each of you?

I’m 29 ½ and he’s almost 29

25. Where do each of you go to school?

high school= Buna and Deweyville.

College= he graduated from LIT (Lamar Institute of Technology) and I’ve gone to McNeese, Lamar Orange, Lamar Beaumont, and LIT but haven’t bothered to graduate

26. Which situation is hardest on you as a couple?

What a stupid question….infertility, cancer, infertility, cancer…how could those things not be hard….now add wanting to adopt and not wanting to adopt on top of that…whew! I don’t know how we’ve made it out alive!

27. Did you go to the same school?

no.

28. Are you from the same town?

Depends on who you’re asking. He lives in the Pocket (Devil’s Pocket) while I lived in town. But the part he lived in has Buna phone number but kids got to choose to go to buna or deweyville

29. Who is smarter?

Math, fixing cars, electrical, bow hunting, and fishing- he is

Everything else- me...lol!

30. Who is more sensitive?

We were pretty equal, as in, we didn’t show emotions…but that all changed when the baby process started. I wish that sensitive stuff would move on because it’s getting old. If you haven’t guessed, it’s me

31. Where do you eat out most as a couple?

Hooters, Tokyo, La Catina, Salt Grass, Logan’s Roadhouse, Cheddars, Fausto’s, Mi Pueblo

32. Where is the farthest you two have traveled as a couple?

Eureka Springs, Arkansas…but that is all about to change. We're suppose to be going to Canada August 2011

33. Who has the craziest exes?

that would be me!

34. Who has the worse temper?

He does!

35. Who does the cooking?

unfortunately, it is me. but during 2009 he did most of the cooking. he was really great about that

36. Who is more social?

he is. We can’t go anywhere without him stopping to talk to someone he knows

37. Who is the neat-freak?

Neither one of us. He likes certain parts neat and I like other parts, but those parts don’t seem to be the same …lol

38. Who is more stubborn?

It’s a tie!

39. Who hogs the bed?

Marlee and Trigger!! People wise, it’s me!

40. Who wakes up earlier?

OMG! He does! You know why I love hunting season when he is gone to the deer lease for a week or so- it’s because I don’t have to wake up until my alarm goes off. None of the 3:45 am mess

41. Where was your first date?

We went to a movie, bowling, walmart, and rode around the deer lease

42. Who had more boyfriends/girlfriends?

He has more girlfriends, but I’ve dated more people. I was one of those weirdos who didn’t consider you a boyfriend until we had gone out on at least 6 dates.And not many made it past date 2...lol!

43. Do you get flowers often?

I have only gotten flowers once- and that was our first valentine’s day. I told him not to get me anything and he thought I was being a “typical” girl, testing his love.

44. How do you spend the holidays?

I spend Thanksgiving with my mom’s family- because he is working the next 5 thanksgivings unless he gets a shift change. We spend Christmas eve with his parents and Christmas day with mine

45. Who is more jealous?

Neither one of us. We’re flattered if you check the other one out- it means we did a good job :)

46. How long did it take to get serious?

define serious!

47. Who eats more?

him. Although, I could have blown him away a few times

48. Who does the laundry?

I wash and dry then stick in a laundry basket. He folds when he gets tired of digging

49. Who is better with the computer?

He says me. I say…the tech guys- whatever.

50. Leave a piece of advice for other couples.

If you don’t plan on doing something for the rest of your life…aka: cooking 5 course meals, cooking breakfast before he goes to work or wherever, cleaning, whatever…don’t start off doing them in the beginning. It’ll just lead to an argument about why you never do such and such anymore.

Checking in

2010-09-27T14:57:00.000-05:00

The cool weather is finally here! 63 this morning when I got in the truck to come to work. When Cole got up this morning @ 3:45 am(!!!) I was freezing, so I was like, please turn the air up to 72. But when I finally rolled out of bed @ 7:30 my house was still freezing...I was so mad- I just knew he hadn't set the air like I had asked. When I stopped to check, he had! but it was still 68 because it was nice and cool outside! I'm so happy...now my electric bill will go down...lol! I can't imagine living in an energy drainer because my bill is high enough.
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I love fall weather. I love watching the leaves change and see all the little wildlife critters getting ready for hunting season...lol! We have a group of does and their fawns who bed down for the night and afternoon naps in our front yard! Normally, they stay in the wooded part of our back and side yards. Of course they're never there when I'm hungry and would like a nice tender baby deer for supper...yum yum!
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I decided I wanted to take up bow shooting. I use to shoot my brother's bow on the side and wanted to do competition shooting when I was younger, but never did. Apparently I was suppose to say something to my dad and he would have let me. I was under the impression that he was suppose to ask me if I wanted to since he always asked my brothers' if they wanted to. Talk about crossed wires on communication- which does explain why I never go that horse or did rodeo. Because I was suppose to ask.

Anyway! Cole is super excited because he loves to bow hunt! and he's already making plans for when we can hunt together with him filming me. We went a week ago to the bow shop for me to shoot and to price the bow that I really want...it's almost $1000! I have great taste...lol! I'm currently shooting my mom's old bow that my dad bought her in the early 80s to build up my arm strength. You use muscles in your arms you didn't know you had and they're definitely not muscles you use daily. When I get my poundage built up to 50 lbs (i'm at 25 lbs) I will start shooting Troy's old bow, unless Josh finally decides he wants it...lol! On the plus side of me taking up the hobby- I'll be able to talk Cole into traveling more because I would kill to go to New Zealand on a red stag hunt.
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I have been a busy bee getting my fall decorations ready to place out by the front of our driveway. I've even made some halloween stuff this year. And I am already getting designs for my Christmas stuff. Stay tuned for pics.
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Cole started a turn-around at work yesterday, which he will be working straight days until *hopefully* almost Thanksgiving. Every time he goes on a shut down, we talk about what we're gonna do with the money he makes, but we always end up spending more because we have more and saving very little. That's how we paid a small down payment on the truck and on our travel trailer, but that's nothing compared to what it could have been. So we plan on actually saving money this time by moving everything extra that he makes into our Christmas account instead of keeping it in savings. Our bank account's not connected to the Christmas so there will be no cheating and having money roll into our checking when we buy crap.
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That's pretty much what's been going on in my little neck of the woods.

Free Ipad!!

2010-09-24T08:48:00.000-05:00

Want to win an Apple Ipad?

Here's how...go to this BLOG <---click here

Read the whole thing, because it will pull at your heart strings.

Donate to the Chip in fund to bring Yulia home.

Each person who donates will be given an entry to win the ipad.

So you will be helping a precious little girl, while trying to win...doesn't get better than that.

Hard

2010-09-20T16:08:00.000-05:00

It's hard to log on to this blog and post something that is completely not what anyone was expecting...including me.

It's hard to not go through each and every blog, and correct grammar, punctuations, sentence structures, etc...and to make it sound like I am a "perfect" specimen of Christianity.

It's hard to do a Bible study about God blessing barren women of the bible with their own bundle of joys...

It's hard!

But on the other hand....

I feel a complete peace to tell all of you about our decision. It wasn't easy. I'm sure I lost some readers/followers/friends...and well, I'm sorry about that.
I didn't set out to make this blog all perfect with a nice little bow on top- that's not who I am. I just want to write about life and everything in between from where I stand...not from where you stand. I want to be open and honest, even if that means you get to see a different side of me that's less than great. I can't help that God's plan for me doesn't involve natural birth, and may not involve adoptive parenting. All I can do is TRUST and remind myself everyday that it's His plan and His way, and I need to stop trying to do it my way.

and that is the hardest part of all.

Part 3

2010-09-13T14:07:00.000-05:00

So I left off with Cole's declaration of "I'm not ready!"

Well, guess what I discovered Labor Day weekend...I'm not ready either. Seriously!

Shocked the pee out of me too.

How did this happen? 3 words: Denton and Violet

It wasn't because they were good or bad...none of that. God used those precious children in their own way(HIS way too) to really reach me- to my core- and I couldn't be more thankful.

and really, I did not feel a complete, absolute peace until I could say the words out loud " I'm not ready." Cole and I sat at our table in our travel trailer on Sunday night before bed, and I told him the same thing. I'm not ready. You should have seen the look on his face. Priceless! Even better...peace in my soul.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Now just because I am saying I'm not ready, does not mean I am giving up. Those are two completely different phrases. I believe we'll become parents and I believe that our readiness will happen. I am finally at a point where I am okay with waiting for God's perfect timing for all of this. Until this point, I may have been convincing myself that I was waiting for God's timing, but in reality, I was trying to make it happen on my time and trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Ya know what I mean?

So that's where I'll leave you guys...

We're not ready. We're going to wait for God's timing. We want to be parents. We will adopt.

Thanks for sticking with me.

Philippians 4:6-7 ~ Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

Part 2

2010-09-10T09:52:00.000-05:00

Before I get into Part 2, I just wanted to thank each and everyone of you who commented, emailed or texted me. Your kind words, encouragement, and understanding mean so much to me and help me through alot of mumbo jumbo going on in my head.

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Cole and I have had many conversations about adoption- but they mostly are me asking when we can start, me making plans, me being crazy, me, me, me...doing whatever. and Cole, well, he normally just sits there and listens-never saying a word- then walks away leaving me hanging. I never know what is going on with him and what he thinks about adoption. grrr. It drives me crazy! (notice a theme here? lol)

I have even gone so far as telling him just to tell me yes or no so that I can begin grieving. Because I don't want to get all invested, wasting years and money, only to have him say, No. I'd rather him say no now, so I can start my process of grief.

And this is the conversation we had during the "crazy episode"

m: " I don't understand!"
c: " what don't you understand?"
m: " I don't understand how we can afford a $40,000 vehicle, a $15,000 rhino, and a $40,000 boat. But we can't afford a $25,000 kid. I just don't understand. Explain the math to me, because I'm just too stupid to understand."

and he does his normal turn and walk away thing...but I'm pretty ticked off. So I'm like oh no you're not buddy. I grab his shirt, make him turn and face me, and I'm in his face yelling at him to "EXPLAIN IT TO ME! MAKE ME UNDERSTAND! HOW CAN YOU MAKE PLANS TO BUY ALL THESE THINGS AND NEVER, EVER ARE THERE PLANS TO ADOPT. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO DESERVE A KID. DOES WHAT I WANT NOT MATTER? IS OUR WHOLE MARRIAGE ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!"

and he verbally slaps me with "I'M NOT READY TO HAVE KIDS!"

Now imagine me staggering back from him as if he actually slapped me, because that's what I did. Some how I ended on the opposite of the kitchen, holding my throat and my face, staring at him with my mouth hanging open.

Never in the 3 years that we've been married has he voiced that he wasn't ready. never. He's said he didn't want kids. He's said he didn't want to adopt. He's said he doesn't want to adopt from foster care. He's said he didn't want to do IVF. Never that he wasn't ready.

Well, that changes everything doesn't it.

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Needless to say there has been a LOT of praying going on, a LOT of begging and pleading with God. a LOT of talking with God. Because when it comes down to it, I didn't/don't know what to do anymore. I didn't know if I was coming or going. and I was tired of knocking my head against the same wall over and over. You may say, how does Cole not being ready change things? It does. For me, adoption is about a joint effort. You shouldn't go into it with only half the pieces into place. Plus, I had this gnawing feeling that I was missing something. Something important. and this nagging question of " why do I want to be a mommy?"

part 3 coming soon....

Part 1

2010-09-07T11:35:00.002-05:00

I don't like to talk too much about the crazy side of me but it's a little relevant to the post. I have this tendency to avoid conflict and to keep my true feelings on certain things to myself. I keep them so locked up, that sometimes it only takes the stupidest thing to trigger my eruption. Sort of like, you may drop that bottle of pop on the ground and when you open it, nothing happens. But you could accidentally knock over a bottle of pop and be splattered with a sticky mess when you open it. That's how I am- a little craziness waiting to happen.
3 weeks ago the bottle was slightly nudged and a huge eruption ensued.
Cole and I were driving to his parents’ house for a birthday supper and he was just talking away like normal. our conversation went something along the lines of, "after this turn-around, we're gonna get you a new vehicle because I don't want any more extra mile on my truck, then we're gonna get us a side-by-side, and then we'll get that bass boat..." Did you notice something about that convo? Not one mention of buying something for me that I want. I know what you're thinking "katie, he said he wants to get you a new vehicle." um yeah. a vehicle that can haul his boat or atv, but not THE vehicle I want (which is a whole other post in itself hahaha!) Most importantly, he did NOT say anything about adopting or starting the process or putting money away for the specific use of adopting. That really, really, really ticked me off. So much so that the idea of opening the door and jumping out of a vehicle going 70 mph was very hard to resist. I was angry and hurt! and there was nothing I could do because we were 5 miles from my in-laws house. Do you know how hard it is to pretend everything is okay when you are dying on the inside?
This isn't the first time this has happened. Cole is always making plans on buying this or that, and not one time in our 3 years of marriage has he said anything about expanding our family, unless it involved getting our dogs. But this is the first time that his words affected me to the point of darkness. I was surrounded by pitch black and there was no light to guide me back to some sort of sanity. It was horrible!
By the time we got back home, I was not talking, blinking or making any eye contact. I was in a bad place. I was planning on how to throw all of his stuff out of the house and burning it to give the best dramatic effect. Wondering if my parents would think less of me if I just up and left. I told you, I was in a bad place.
I tried my best to keep it all inside, I really did. I mean, nothing good could come from the eruption right? I can’t change how he feels, or who he is. But that eruption came and it was one heck of a one. I’m not gonna go into the nitty gritty details. But there is one phrase that stands out amongst my screaming, shaking, incoheritantness- “I chose wrong.”
I chose wrong. What does that mean? For me, it means I chose to be a mommy. I chose to live pain free. I chose wrong. My choice did not end with me being a mommy or pain free. No. It ended with me spending hundreds of thousands of dollars, being scarred, being unable to have the physical side of marriage the way we had hoped, feeling like a failure over and over again, feeling like people look down upon you for not having a degree, feeling like a loser. I chose wrong.
That night, a piece of me died. It really did. I don’t like telling my husband I’m a loser. I don’t like sharing with you few who read this blog that I’m a failure. I may not be any of that to anyone else, but to me, I am. I have a deep, unmoving shame for not turning out better. I had potential and the ability to earn a degree, have a good job, and make something of myself. I chose wrong.
Those were a few very dark days. Oh, I’ve had dark days and years, but they were nothing to compared to those very recent days. When you’re going through that, you’re filled with questions that you want answers to right now. And the only question that kept repeating, like a broken record, was
Why do I, want to be a mommy? Why? Why? WHY!?

Stay tuned….

bip bop booop

2010-09-03T12:36:00.000-05:00

So we are starting a new bible study for the fall called " the Patriarchs" that Beth Moore wrote.

I have to say, last bible study, I went in half-heartedly...forgot to do most of the sessions...just showed up for the group meetings...and walked away with ?? hmm...I walked away with the knowledge that I didn't try. I meant well, really...but I didn't bother to put my foot forward. I was still struggling with...LIFE...and used that as my excuse. my crutch.

BUT this time...I plan on doing it...and doing it right. Not that there is a right way...you know what I mean. I just don't want to do this with out my whole heart in it. I've never been good at studying. I've never been good at taking time out of my day to spend time in the Word. So even though I've never been good at anything, I'm going to give it my best shot at trying.

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Some rambling going on...

The lack of ability to have children really makes you take a new perspective. It's not a " I don't want to" or " I'm not ready"...it really is " I can't reproduce"

So I have always been a bit envious *gasp* of the biblical ladies who couldn't have children, then God did His thing and bibbidy boppity boo...there's a baby. No magic, but it's God. Maybe he snapped His fingers, or winked...who knows. All I know is He made it happen and somewhere deep inside of me, my heart is crying because He didn't do that for me. Okay. So me getting pregnant will not help anyone but me, but still. It would make me happy, which would make a few others happy :) Of course, if I got pregnant today, right this minute...someone will have some explain to do. hahaha! um...I lost my thought.... ok. Anyway. Today I was reading about Sarai and Hager. How Sarai really wanted a baby, and wanted Abram to have an heir, so she -thinking she was being selfless- told him to hook up with her servant, Hager...and he did. Then Hager gets a little too big for her britches because she's preggo and torments Sarai behind Abram's back. This is too much, and Sarai tells Abram he needs to fix it, and he says fix it yourself ...typical male

Which brings me back to my thought...it's a little sad to admit, but I was desperate to be a mommy- I told Cole we needed to find him someone to knock up since I'm broken. I was serious! I would have paid good money. I can relate to Sarai. Just wanting a baby so bad that you would be desperate enough to suggest another woman to do what you can't- not thinking about what happens when she does get knocked up. I'm so glad Cole was the level headed one on this and did not give into my demands because it would really suck. I'm pretty sure that if he told me to fix it, I might be serving 25 to life some where...lol!

So that's my rambling for the day

Gives me hope

2010-08-03T08:34:00.000-05:00

It's too early in the morning to shed tears, but here I am- at work- with tears filling up my eyes.

When you get a free moment, and don't mind shedding some tears, visit

http://www.givesmehope.com

These stories will inspire you, make your heart clinch, and give you hope :)

Excellent PPS

2010-07-26T08:55:00.001-05:00

Home

2010-07-13T14:03:00.001-05:00

It's been a week and a few days since we landed back in the good ol' USA. Man-o-man! It feels like I just left China, and some days I forget that it wasn't years ago, just days ago.

So far, everyone wants to know:

How was China?

- You obviously don't read my blog...lol! China was awesome. Never in a million years did I think I would get to go there- now I can say " been there, done that!" I did have a few misconceptions about China before going. I was hoping to see rickshaws every where and take a ride in one. I was expecting the food to be way out there, and inedible. I was expecting to see split pants every where, congested traffic and people, and dirty streets...but no! The food was divine. I miss it so much- it's not like the greasy, Chinese food in the states. I didn't see one rickshaw. Saw very few split pants, and that was in province. The traffic wasn't bad at all, and I didn't feel scared for my life riding in the taxi or crossing the street. China has billions of people, but you really don't feel like that. I'm sure in Beijing and Hong Kong things may feel more congested with people. What was best about it all...clean streets. They actually have workers whose soul job is to keep the streets free of liter and cigarette butts. I only saw once instance of pollution and that was in a newspaper article about plastic bags and how the shop keepers are suppose to charge you per bag. Oh! Another misconception- breathable air. I was thinking every where would be like Beijing- remember all those news reports about the air quality before the Olympic games? Well, it wasn't like that at all. I'm sure in the more industrialized areas we would have had to worry, but not in Xining or Guangzhou.

I bet you're glad to be home (?)
- eehh...not so much. As soon as we were in the air headed to China, it was like this big, black rain cloud that has been hanging over my head and the pressure for all my wants/worries was lifted. Not once did I feel suffocated by my life or lack of or whatever while there. But you better believe that as soon as my feet landed in LAX, all those "bad" things that I had left behind were right back to where they were- suffocating and sucking the life out of me again. Basically, if it were possible to live in China @ a 5 star hotel and not worry about money or how to pay for things and have my friends and family there- I would have never left :)

How's Laila?
-gut response, she's doing good. For a little girl who has been taken away from all that she's ever known, thrown into a culture that is completely mind boggling, eating new foods, new routines, individualized attention, new faces, new smells, and everything else she is having to go through and get use to- I would say she is doing well. Now Brandee and Jarrod may correct me on that...haha. She's adjusting to her new life. She is going to mourn for her old life. It's part of the adoption process.

my least favorite question of them all, and one I am asked at least 5 times a day by well meaning people- When are y'all going to adopt?
- the week leading up to our departure, I was 75% sure we would adopt. while there, I would waver between 90% sure to 90% unsure. Being home, Cole has made it abundantly clear that he would rather I get over it. So basically he is in a dilemma- either pay for me to get a kid or 2, or pay for me to go on lavish vacations each year to wherever I want, plus a new vehicle, something sparkly every 5 years, and a pontoon boat. I'm thinking the kid is cheaper in the long run. And yes, I am serious about that. So, in summary- I don't know...and I wish I didn't care. and I am starting to believe that it would be easier to pray for me to get over it than to pray for Cole to get on board. But that's this week...next week, it could be a whole new ball game :)

One more day

2010-07-01T02:31:00.001-05:00

July 1, 2010

I can't believe that today is our last full day in China! It seems like we've only been here a short while. Tomorrow we will check out of The Garden Hotel around 5 p.m. and fly out at 9 p.m. Guangzhou has turned out to be an okay city. It's not as beautiful as xining, and it feels a little too crowded at times.The traffic is not as bad here though, and far fewer people stare at us since they are pretty use to foreigners walking around. guangzhou does have places like shaiman island that caters to us tourist and adoptive parents. My advice for anyone shopping on the island...ask for prices on everything, take one day to look around before buying. We have kicked ourselves a few times for buying too soon when we could have paid less somewhere else.

I'm also a little disappointed in our sight seeing options. we were suppose to visit the zoo and the botanical gardens this week, but due to the rain weren't able to. We went to the original excavation site of one of the chinese kings from the 14th century. The have built a museum over it. This replaced our botanical garden tour. We went to the folk art academy which was the original homestead of the Chen family. If your last name is Ching, Chen or Chin you get in free here. We felt a little rushed going thorugh here, but I was able to pick up a few souvenirs. This replaced the zoo trip.

These last 3 days have been very sunny in the mornings until around 3 pm then the rain hits for about an hour or two then quits. I wanted to venture our and maybe go to the gardens or the safari park on our own, but Brandee is a little hesitant- which I completely understand. I've ventured out a few times on my own, but it's harder with laila and we don't want to be too far from help if she needed it.

I just can not express how blessed I feel for being able to come here. Words can not explain what it is like to watch a mother and child meet for the first time, or to watch them bound through the days. To watch other families meet their children and explore the bonds that will be formed. It truly is amazing. To be here and to see all of this with my own two eyes, I can not comprehend how anyone would deny there is a God.

I probably wont write again until I am home. Happy 4th of July everyone!

Not much to say

2010-06-29T02:15:00.001-05:00

June 29,2010

I thought I would check in since I haven't posted in a while. Not too much has been going on. We were suppose to visit a beautiful botanical garden as well as the zoo, but due to the rain, we've only been to a museum. What can you say about a museum that you can't say about any other museum that you've been too. Today, Brandee, Laila and I went to Shaiman Island to do some retail therapy. The island caters to tourists and offer all those touristy gifts, where as where we are staying now really caters to the rich people. We ate pizza hut the night before last. It was so good. You really couldn't tell the difference. Grand total $12 USD!!

Anyway. I think I will post later tonight. i'm just not in the mood to write at the moment.

Until later...

2010-06-28T06:46:00.001-05:00

pics from train station

2010-06-27T00:44:00.001-05:00

Here are a few pics from Laila was left by her family and where she was found.

koi pond part 2

2010-06-27T00:37:00.001-05:00

Koi Pond at Garden Hotel

2010-06-27T00:33:00.001-05:00

June 26,2010

we had some free time after we ate lunch/supper so we headed out to explore the koi pond the hotel has. So here are some pics from that. some are a little foggy due to going from a/c to heat :)

medical exams

2010-06-26T06:30:00.001-05:00

June 26,2010

Well, we made it through the medical exams...Thank you Lord! We met 5 other families in the lobby then boarded a bus to head to the island to do the medical exams. It's about a 30 minute drive from our hotel. Much of the island, as well as Guangzhou, is under construction for the 2010 Asian Games that will be held here. Don't worry- we will be doing the infamous red couch picture at the White Swan.

First we had to stop at a little botique shop to have individual child pictures taken. Then we walked 1/2 a block to the medical exam office. the front half of the building is for actual chinese residents, and the back half is for adoptive children. As soon as you walk in, you hear crying. We walked to the back room and sat down near the examination area. We decided to play some Kailan to destract Laila a little bit. There was one couple there who had 9 month old twins!! There was another agency group ahead of us, but when they were done, we walked in to where Laila was weighed and had her height measured. She then had to do an eye exam. I think USA should have that kind of exam for little ones. The chart is hands facing different directions and the child shows you with their hand which direction the picture is facing. Then we waited in line forever for the doctor to examine Laila. Because she was a girl over 5, she had to be examined by a female doctor. We were the only ones who actually had medication from the orphanage for their child. The doctor decided that Laila would not need the vaccinations even though she has had only 1 since being placed in an orphanagedue to her condition and the likely hood of her having surgery as soon as July. She did have to have the TB test. Man o Man...she did not like that and cried for a few minutes, but once she was out of the room where the shot was given, she was okay. There was one little boy who is almost 3 who did not cry at all during his shots :) I have made friends with the daughter of a couple in our group. She started crying when her brother was getting his shots. I felt so bad for her, so I stood with her and hugged her to give her a support. When it was all over, she walked over to me and gave me a big hug. Sometimes I don't know why the thing happen the way they did, but I'm so glad that God had me placed here today to bring some comfort to a tween girl.

We stayed a total of almost 5 hours at the medical office. Needless to say, we were starving. laila was even saying " Laila chifan" which is Laila eat. she was also saying Mama, googoo chifan....she knows her googoo is always ready to eat :) Since we've been in guangzhou, I've been saying GoGo instead of GooGoo, but I don't think aunt Candy will mind that she already can say gogo.

It's rainy and 100% humidity...and blah! But on the plus side, COLD COCA COLA AND WATER!!

To my family, something interesting: today we saw a guy who looked exactly like Jeremy, except he had red hair.He looked like we would think Jeremy would look at 35. Every time I tried to take a picture of him, I wasn't able to. We also saw Candice's twin and Josh's twin too...

Well, we are tired and ready for bed...well...googoo is tired and ready for bed- Laila is bouncing off the walls :)

Until later...

I'm back...

2010-06-25T20:37:00.001-05:00

I'm back and feeling much better.Nothing that some Chinese medicine can't cure. I think it was the altitude change that was my problem...reverse altitude sickness :)

We just thought we were upclass at the Yinlong...then we came to The Garden Hotel...OMG!!! I have never seen such a place in my life. It has been very overwhelming and we have only seen the lobby, one restaurant, and 15 high end couture clothing shops. We have a really nice living quarter- bedroom, living room, bathroom. two 42 inch flat screen tvs, a desk with wireless connection, marble floors, granite counter tops. When you walk into the bedroom, you can see into the bathroom- all glass, including the toilet closet. We have a remote to pull down a shade in the bathroom to give you privacy. The tub is situated where you can watch tv and the sound is pumped into the bathroom..my kind of place :) our room in on the 14th floor on a non-smoking floor. When we look out the window, we see the Guangzhou skyline and we look down there is a 5 story waterfall and an acre koi pond. I can't wait to go explore.

We slept in today- 7:30 a.m. (June 26,2010) but the inclusive buffet breakfast is opened until 10. The buffet offers a lot of western cuisines, but I still stuck with my dragon fruit, watermelon, fried egg, and some cornflakes. It's funny how I was starving the for the first 3 days, and eating a ton of stuff but after that 3rd day, I'm just not that hungry. :)

Last night we ate at the Lai Wan Market. When you walk in, you feel like you have stepped into a 5 star tree house in Neverland. Awesome!! and we had cold coke!! Heaven!! We ordered peanut & cumcumbers in vinegar. Delicious! We ordered plain noodles for Laila- they smelled nasty but weren't too bad. Brandee ordered fried rice and I had sweet and sour pork..omg! It came with pineapples, green peppers, and onions mixed with the pork. The portion sizes are huge! Sort of like PF Chang. the dishes are really meant to be family styled. I also had honeycomb cake. No words to describe this...

------------------------------

now for our crazy airplane ride from yesterday...Laila has been so good, and our first flight from Xining to Xi'an was uneventful. Just a little bit of turbulance. I was able to play some games with Laila to keep her occupied for the hour flight while Brandee tried to meditate. So we thought that since she had done so well with that plane ride, she would do good on the flight to guangzhou. um nope! The plane had to dip down and go back up several times, and this scared her. She got all wide eyed and she would do this shiver thing. I thought she was convulsing or about to have a seizure. We tried to distract her and sing to her. Even Brandee faught through her own fear of airplane rides- her family should be proud since she normally doesnt do so well on planes. Laila really started to convulse and she wouldn't speak. we wre a little panicked and even paged the flight attendants during the rough turbulance. The people next to us and in front of us tried to help, but they didn't speak any English. 2 attendants came and they were awesome! poor Laila! She was crying...bawling really. The first time she has cried with us.. I won't lie- I was scared out of mine. I didnt know if she was scared or if her heart was freak'n out, or if there was something else wrong. I was pretty much fighting the tears my self. It was just so heartbreaking to watch and not know what to do. Laila completely shut down and would only speak Chinese. The flight attendants were so helpful. The took Brandee and Laila to their jump seats. Calmed Laila down. Gave her food from first class, and even a hand held dvd player with bernard playing on it. They came back to our seats about 10 minutes later, and everyone was so nice- wanting to make sure she was okay. Laila didn't talk to us for about 20-30 minutes, then she got back to her normal self. When we met our new guide, Arong, she told her that the plane went up and down and it scared her. poor baby!

--------------------

well we are about to head to the medical exam. Today she will get tested for TB and have vaccinations. It's going to be a rough day.

Until later....

Finally in Guangzhou

2010-06-25T09:37:00.001-05:00

June 25,2010

Interesting tidbit...our guide in Xining, Rose pronounced Guangzhou as gwang-jew, Laila pronounces it gwang-joe, and our pilot pronounced it gwang-show...so I guess it all depends on what part of the country you're from...like Texans say "creek" but others say " crick" :)

Anywhoo...

This morning we were up bright and early. I woke up not feeling so hot, but I just blew it off as being anxious about how Laila would react to the airplane. we had our last breakfast at the yinlong, but we all only ate a little bit. After we finished up packing and met Rose and the driver downstairs, we headed to the Xining train station. This is where Laila was found at 11 months old with a note pinned to her. Someone found her and took her to the police station and they took her to the orphanage.We weren't able to go inside to see the actually place because we would have had to buy a ticket, but just being there and seeing how crowded and busy the train station is gave a little peace of mind that she wasn't left to wander there for hours or even days before someone noticed her. Laila really didn't like being there.

um...I need to go, but I promise to finish tomorrow. I'm feeling a little out of sorts at the moment, so I am going to take some medication and lay down. It's been a long day and seeing how it's 1030 pm....I think I'll just go ahead and lay down.

until then...

On the road again

2010-06-24T20:05:00.001-05:00

June 25, 2010

In about an hour, we will be headed towards the Xining airport to fly to Xi'an (chi-an) and from there we will be flying to Guangzhou ( gwan-jew). I know facebook will be happy to have me in guangzhou...lol! Yesteray was a down day. We ate breakfast, went to the children's park, and basically hung out in the room yesterday getting our stuff ready. We washed our clothes in the tub and hung them up to dry. Here it is so dry that the clothes usually dry within 3 hours. When we get to Guangzhou, there will be no hand washing...it's a tropical climate so nothing dries fast. The heat index for tomorrow is suppose to be 134!! But at least the hotel room has a/c :)

I'll post again tonight about the Ta'er Monastery and whatever else comes to mind.

Until then...

The pics are of a flower sculptures around Xining...made completely of carnations.

Children's Park part 2

2010-06-24T07:08:00.001-05:00

Children's Park

2010-06-24T05:22:00.001-05:00

June 23,2010

2010-06-24T04:32:00.001-05:00

Well just pin a sign on me and Brandee that says "I'm with stupid" it took Jarrod suggesting we just put my SD card in Brandee's camera to upload my pics that I've been taking...lol! I can't believe we didn't think of that! We've been talking about maybe looking for an electronics store to see if they have a usb/sd combo. Now we don't have to :)

June 23, 2010

Today has been a very interesting day to say the least. We all woke up at 6 a.m. this morning. Brandee and Laila were able to skype with Krissy and Brae this morning before breakfast. While they skyped i called cole. We headed down to breakfast, then met Rose in the lobby at 840 a.m.

We were off to Ning Ji Children's Home ran by Christian Action. This is the orphanage that Laila was originally living in after being found at the Xining train station.Because of the advocating of the Christian Action group, Laila was moved to Philip Hayden foundation near Beijing. I was able to go into one of the therapy rooms for the severely handicapped kids. I went to each child and told them hi and shook their hands. One of the little ones was maybe 3 and laying on a table to do stretches. She smiled and really enjoyed shaking my hand and saying Hi and told me bye bye when I left. It really pulled at my heart strings to see these beautiful children who will more than likely never be adopted due to their conditions. the orphanage director gave Laila a beautiful Jade necklace. The jade came from one of the mountains in the Qinghai province. It's a circle and it represents a blessed and safe life. We also were able to meet with the doctors and to see her original file. In the file it included a letter that Laila's birth father had wrote and left with her. On it was wrote her birth date, her birth weight, and her name that her family had given her. Such a wonderful treasure. Mr Yang was nice enough to make a copy for Brandee and Jarrod to have. What a priceless treasure :)

my camera died during our orphanage tour, and our driver was nice enough to stop at a market store to get me batteries sine my spare batteries were in our hotel room. whew! I would have been very disappointed not to get to take pictures at the Ta'er monastery.

Stay tuned for a post just for the monastery.

after our tour of the monastery we came back to the hotel to eat noodles in our room. While Brandee and Laila napped, I ventured out to see the sites near our hotel. I found a very beautiful children's park. It's almost 2 miles long and has a "creek" running through it. at different points there were bridges or waterfalls or stone animals. Look for a picture post of the park :)

After the park, I walked to the Center Square that is across from our hotel. This is where we have been walking to and it has some shops and a tunnel that leads to the supermarket and department store that we bought the yellow dresses at yesterday. While I was looking in one of the stores for baby powder, a young girl, her sister and a friend approached me. They wanted to know if i believed in the heavenly father and heavenly mother. I thought they were talking about the virgin mary and wanted me to explain something to them...nope! They wanted to witness to me...lol! they belong to the world mission church of god...notice the little g...because I believe they do not serve the same God as I do. I spent a good 20 minutes with them before I was able to escape. they thought I was a part of their congregation or would want to be because their video had a few Americans talking on it. I tried to explain to them about some people believeing different things. I even tried to witness to them but they were so bent on getting me in to their cult that they never heard a word I said.

When I got back to the room, Brandee was really feeling bad. We are already at 8,000 feet above sea level and were warned we may experience altitude sickness. The Ta'er monestary is 9500 feet above sea level and we both felt it- Brandee more so than me. I tried to get Laila to go eat so we could give Brandee some alone time, but Laila didn't want to eat. So I went to our favorite place to grab a quick bite. I noticed that there was a pepsi cooler with drinks in it and I just needed a cold drink...asap. So after I fixed my plate, I asked one of the waitresses if I could get a drink. She didnt understand so she got another waitress who maybe could understand more than her. she brought me a tall glass instead of a drink. So I ended up having to walk over to the cooler and point. She was like..".oh! You have to pay for that." Well I didn't bring extra with me, just my 118 rmby so I told her " I don't have any money." Then I go to sit back down at my table, and while I am eating, she brings over a pepsi and a sprite. And I am waving my hands in a "no" motion and said "no thank you. I don't want it. No money." So she left. a few minutes she came back and put the sprite by my plate. I really wanted to drink it because it was so cold...a cold drink and I didn't have extra money...that sucked. When I finished, I gave the cashier my money and walked to the elevators. One of the head hauncho employees caught me at the elevator and was like " you didn't pay for your sprite" So I had to explain that I didn't drink the sprite and that it was still at the table unopened and that I had told the waitress that i didn't want it. I'm pretty sure I'm banned from there now :)

When I got back to the room Brandee was feeling so much worse. I finally got her to call Rose and we went down to the lobby to meet her. Rose made a few phone calls to some friends who live in Xining, and they told her that they take tibetan medicine a week before going to the higher altitudes. But they sugested a medicine that we could buy. Rose and I walked down the street to the pharmacy and bought the medicine that we needed. The instruction was to take two and relax :) Brandee took her two and I took one...the best sleep ever! The medication is also for insomnia so that helped in that department as well as the altitude sickness. Laila ended up getting a bath by googoo. Poor Brandee. she was not having a good night. By the time we went to bed, she was feeling a little better.

Tomorrow is a free day. We plan to venture out to the children's park and go back to the center square. Until next time.

YinLong Hotel

2010-06-24T02:48:00.001-05:00

Pics of YingLong Hotel in Xining

It's 21 stories with a gym, 6 restaurants, a bank, 4 mens clothing stores, 2 museums, and one women's store. The lobby floors are all pale marble with some inlaid designs in strategic places. There is a marble staircase that goes up to the second floor where there is private eating rooms. There is always a doorman to greet you when you enter or leave. the cleaning ladies are very diligent and there is never any signs of cigarettes even though 90% of the occupants smoke.

June 22,2010

2010-06-23T02:49:00.001-05:00

June 22, 2010

I would kill for an ice cold sweet tea right now. The warm drinks are definately getting old. I dont see how the Chinese can drink warm drinks all the time. yuck...or as Laila would say "bleh!" with her tongue hanging out just like GooGoo taught her :) Our hotel is equiped with air conditioner, but ours will not go below 26 degrees celcius which is about 77 degree farenheight. Sweet Jesus it's hot! But not as hot as it will be in Guangzhou so I can't complain too much. Really it's not too bad...only a little irksome during the hot part of the day. We are usually in our hotel room then for lunch and Laila to get a nap so we close the curtains and change into shorts. Our mini fridge doest cool down much either. I have it set on the coldest setting and our drinks dont get much past luke warm. bleh!

Today we woke up later than we did yesterday. Brandee was in the bathroom when Laila woke up and I was sitting by her checking my email. I saw her peeking at me and grinning. She doesn't talk much when she first wakes up, but she does smile. So I open the curtain up just a bit- it's very bright at 715 a.m. and she didnt like that. So we made a game of opening and closing the curtain and going : ahhhhh when the curtain was opened.

The food in our hotel's western restaurant is very good. There are 6 other places to eat here on different floors but we just stick with the buffet on the first floor. Last night was Brandee and Laila's first time to eat there. They sat at the table while I got my plate and silverware. Laila saw me, and she turned to Brandee and said " GooGoo large white circle." hahaha. she saw me carrying my plate and she didn't know what it was :) I really enjoy the fruit here. It is always cold...lol! So I always get several pieces of watermelon. I tried some cowboy beef pepper strips, but it was a little tough and spicy. Brandee tried some fried fish, but didnt like it either. They have so much food to eat, you get alot to pick and choose from. I always drink pinkgouwa strawberry juice. There are labels by each dish or drink and it is funny to see how someone from the hotel has wrote the english translation for some of the foods.

After breakfast, we met Rose in the lobby to head back to the welfare office to do paper work. We thought when we went on Monday that we would be doing it then, but no. So today is for paperwork, pay fees and give gifts. During these times when we are around all the orphange workers, they are always talking to Laila and you can see the stress on her face. She doesn't like to have them touch her and talking to her. Her little personality totally shuts down and when they leave, she it back to being Laila again. I don't know if she thinks they will take her from Brandee or what. We had an unexpected glitch. When Brandee is getting the fees ready, they told her that it was more than what she was told by her agency. So she had to have Rose go through all the fees again. While this is going on, I am entertaining Laila. Another unexpected moment happens: She leans her little head towards me, so I lean my head towards her thinking we are going to bonk noggins, but instead she air kisses my cheek. I was a little freaked. Now, I know that family and friends who are reading this are going "aww" but those who have adopted internationally or will be know why I freaked. Because we want Laila to attach to Brandee, and because the Chinese do not normally show affection like we do and most orphans are not use to hugs, kisses, or even being carried they do not react well or at all when you do those things. So having Laila initiate a kiss on the cheek and it's not towards her mama...it freaked me out! I looked up wide eyed at Brandee and she was like what? Brandee was very understanding because she knows that I would never ever try to get Laila to attach to me and she knows I know the importance of attachment. It makes me feel better to know she is okay, and it was even better to see Laila give air cheek kiss to Brandee too. Whew!

After we left the Welfare office, Mr. Yang rode with us to deposit the money, then we all went to the notary republic office. Another glitch: we didn't bring a gift for the notary! She was very kind and said no problem, and Rose said that she would bring the gift back when she goes tomorrow. It would have been nice to have been told that she needed a gift too. ugh! Laila had to go potty while we were there. She is so good about letting us know she has to go. Rose and I took Laila...hehehe. I wish I could post a picture of the squat potty here. Sadly, there is no SD disc drive on the laptop like there is on my laptop at home. So I will have to upload pictures later. Once we left the notary office, it was time to go back to the hotel. Thank goodness.

We ate roman noodles and cheetos that we bought at the store yesterday..yummy! Laila took a nap after lunch and Brandee took advantage of this down time to shower. I started a new book, and didn't even bother to get online. :) We decided to go back to the shopping center where we went yesterday. Crossing the street here is basically risking your life...hahaha just kidding. it's really not that bad. You just have to know how to dodge and weave :) The shopping center is really a short walk. Along the way, we are always stared at. Not for just being white, but because Brandee is blonde and I have blue eyes. Sometimes people just stop right in front of us and don't bother to move out of the way. Sometimes you have overly nice people come up to you. i watched a young girl nodge her friend on the bus and they both hung half their bodies out of the window to get a good luck. It's pretty funny. Right now there is a carpet expo going on, so there are lots of people here. Laila is not use to being out and about, so she is soaking it all in. No smile though. She will smile if we ask her a question or something like that, but most times no smile.

The department store is 5 floors plus the grocery on the bottom. Most of the stuff for sale is women's clothing. I found a really cute dress that I was going to try on and maybe buy if it fit- 900 rmby!! That's $131.80...I'm cheap and would never pay that price even in Texas. They had these beautiful umbrellas on the 4th floor. The umbrellas are to block the sun, not the rain. On the 5th floor is some children's clothing. Brandee picked out a yellow dress for Laila and Krissy but the sizes are not like in US. The size was like 105/23 or something like that. So we didn't know what size Laila was. The sales lady, even though she didn't speak English found a dress that looked like it would fit Laila, and instead of a dressing room, you walk off to the side in a nook, and the sales lady took Laila's clothes off and put the dress on her. You could totally tell Laila did not like that at all. The dress was very cute, but it didn't matter because the look on Laila's face said everything. Brandee made the sales lady leave her alone while she helped laila, and I got the sales lady to find a bigger dress for Krissy and went and paid for it, while Brandee calmed Laila down. She wasn't crying or anything like that, but she was visablly shaken. We got her a Hello Kitty play set (purse, phone, sunglasses, fake money and credit card) The sales people in the toy section were pushy. I can not stand pushy.

We high tailed it out of the department store. Poor Laila. We were going to try the KFC or the pizza buffet that we heard from Rose was really good, but we realized that the menus were not in English and we didn't know how we would communicate that we wanted a #3 :) We head back to the hotel and stopped at the stuffed animal store to pick up a puppy for krissy and got laila some hair bows, and hair product for asian hair. Brandee thinks Laila's hair needs better treatment. We had to cross the street again- during rush hour traffice. The cross walks stay green or red for 89 seconds. But most people just venture out no matter if it is green or red. A lot of the drivers will stop so that we can cross, or if we are walking down the stree they honk at us. A young guy, maybe 15, walked across with us. He told us HI and I knew he could speak English.Most people here know how to say HELLO or BYE, but when I heard HI i knew. He asked if he could take our pictures. I'm sure we are on the internet somewhere...lol! not!

We ate at the the western restaurant in the hotel again. They have the best desserts. Strawberry mouse, chocolate cake (which tasted like chocolate pie) truffles and many more. There were 20 desserts set out...They aren't the big honk'n servings that you would get in the US. They are about an inch wide by 2 inches long. As soon as you take one from the plate, they replace it. I had watermelon, a salad, spicy cabbage salad, fried rice, and sauteed bamboo which was really good. You do not get very big portions even when you do your own.

Laila's personality is really coming out. She is super smiley and giggles. She has a very infectious laugh. I can't help but laugh and smile with her. I don't know what I will do not getting to see her everyday when we get back home. I told Brandee to expect to see me at least once a week :) She is very silly. Last night she started doing a wiggle dance...and then she would say " crocidile" while wiggling. We asked what a bird did, and she did bird, frog, and rabbit. I recorded some on my phone will post when we get to Guangzhou. I have no access here still. I can't even text. We have internet service at the hotel, but social networks are blocked. But my phone will work in Guangzhou. She also has really bad gas after we eat. She now knows how to say "poot" Normally, she does this by Brandee. But sometimes she will come by me, fart and say all smiley "poot". She also goes around saying "baby laila" Brandee will hold her in her lap like a baby and sing Baby Laila over and over...Laila loves it and she will run around the room saying it over and over. Not in that annoying, nerve grating way though. she has figured out how to turn on the tv and work the remote. I love chinese tv. it's hilarious. Sometimes she will stop on a chanel and go "okay" and I will say "no" and we go back and forth in a play fight laughing the whole time.

Some random stuff:

The weather was really nice today. Not very hot...maybe a high of 77 and the lows are in the 50s. We learned how to open our window in our room, so we keep it open all the time.

We saw an old man peeing in the bushes at the department store. People do pee outside, but we haven't seen anyone do it on the actual street. We've seen little kids do it though in their split pants :)

Split pants make me laugh. You see these little kids (under 3) walking around with them and their little butt cheeks showing while they walk...too cute!

The welfare workers, our guide, and driver have all worn the same clothes every time we see them.

There is a square across the street from the Yinlong and we can always hear music, drums, and what not going on. There are usually 2-5 people flying kites down there. There are these popup shade tents that line one area, and you just sit down and get your nails done :)

We have a button in a room where we can say " do not disturb" " no clean today" or "please clean" The maids usually wait for us to be in the room when they come by. They always find some reason to walk all the way into the room...just to stare at us. It's pretty funny.

Tomorrow we will be touring the orphanage Laila stayed at for a few months after she was found and also a Buddist monestary. Should be very interesting. I'm ready to leave our hotel room and see some of the province. I know y'all are on pins and needles waiting for the next post...so until then :)

More from Gotcha day!

2010-06-21T01:20:00.000-05:00

June 21, 2010

It is almost 1:30 pm and we've had a great day so far. After writing my last post, we all got dressed and headed down to breakfast at the same 'western' restaurant that I ate at last night. Brandee had shown Laila a pair of pants, and Laila made a face and shook her head no, then when Brandee showed her a different pair of pants, she was "yes." Laila likes to say the colors of each of her clothes and shoes. she is so bright. I can't believe that we all were thinking of her having a hard time.

Luckily I had already been, so I knew where to sit, to get our own plates and our own food. Our breakfast is free with our stay here :) Let's see...I ate watermelon, dragonfruit, fried rice, a boiled egg, and 3 different types of bread. It sounds like a lot of food, but I did not eat the whole plate. Laila had eaten some raisins before going down, so we weren't sure if she would at. I gave her a piece of watermelon and dragonfruit and she gobbled it up. She ate some more watermelon and dragon fruit drinkable yogurt, plus an egg. She say's , no more when she was done. Brandee had watermelon, bacon, chicken sausage, and the fried rice -which is how I found out how awesome it was since I passed it up on my original search. The fried rice is even better than toyko in beaumont. It is just white rice, eggs, chives, ham, and corn with some kind of sauce that it was cooked in. I'm looking forward to breakfast tomorrow. There was a lot of food I did not recognize. I'm not sure why they call the place western cuisine, unless they mean western as in western part of china and not western as america. They have suishi, which I had eaten the night before, but I probably won't eat again here because I could actually smell the fish. yuck! There was a station to have crepes made, an egg station, they had meat that I would think was for lunch or supper, fried noodles, a noodle station, a bread station, soup, salad, and a bunch of other stuff that I have no idea what it was :)

After breakfast we met Rose in the lobby, so that we could go to the children's welfare office to do paper work. Brandee needed to go back upstairs to get something, and Laila and I were talking to rose. Up until now, I have not been completely sure if she knew who I am. rose was asking her who i am, and she says very quietly, Katie. lol! Now if you ask her what I am to her, she says I don't know. she knows now that I am her goo goo. (not the chinese spelling) Now when she sees my picture, she says Goo Goo. :)

On the way to the welfare office, I had given Laila my sunglasses and she had a ball wearing them. We brought all this money, and this gianormous file folder with all the paper work- and they didn't need it. I don't think the chinese here believe in air conditioning. There was none in the office that we were in. I think going here was a little overwhelming for laila. There was 2 ladies from Christian Action in Hong Kong. Siew Mei who runs Christian Action is responsible for getting Laila to Philip Hayden Foundation so that she could have the surgery that she needed. There was the director of the welfare office, and two other ladies. They all talked to laila- at the same time- and wanted her to sing. Laila sang once but wouldn't sing any more. She wasn't sure of all of those people. They were very nice. The director told rose that they did not want Laila to go to beijing, but at the time that she was found and stayed with them, they did not have the medical resources that she needed. Most of the children in Xining orphanage are severe special needs. They do not have a lot of adoptions here. BTW: Xining is pronounced: Cee- ning, not zin-ning like I have been saying it forever :)

After we left the welfare office, we went to have laila's picture taken for her passport. The kids that are being adopted need passport photos, and they have to take it with one of the adopting parents. When we got there, Laila had to potty. she is very good about letting Brandee know she needs to potty. So Brandee, being an American, said " Where's the bathroom?" You kow where the bathroom is? It's outside. You just drop your pants and squat. Rose took Laila outside to a grassy area to potty. I am not about to potty on the street like that. We went to the grocery store afterwards. OMG! We had to go down the stairs like you would on the subway, and cross underneath the street. In the tunnels there are little shops lining the walls. Then you go back up stairs out into a court yard like setting. Then you walk into the 10 story store. We had to go down to the basement level to get groceries. They have everything. we really didn't need to bring alot of the food that we brought. We bought 4 pepsi's, 4 cokes, oreos, chetos, pototo chips, fried bananas, water, roman noodles, and barley (that tastes like sugar smacks). It cost 154.70 rmby (wre-yen) which is $22 USD. Brandee and I found some shoes that we are going back to try on and maybe buy :) We definately want to go to the 4th loor to the childrens section to look at the clothes and stuff. Laila likes teddy bears...can you believe that we came all the way to china and didn't bring one stuffed animal for her :)

we came back to the hotel room for Brandee and Rose to do paper work for the adoption. While they were doing grown-up stuff...Laila and I were sitting on the floor being silly. We ate some potato chips, the barley and raisins. she has learned to say " all gone" and "bleh" with her tongue sticking out. We all ate some noodles (which were spicy but good) and laila and Brandee were able to skype with Jarrod and Krissy.I called and talked with Cole while they skyped. After Laila has her nap, we plan on going across the street to the center square to have a looksy.

Gotcha day!

2010-06-20T18:16:00.001-05:00

June 21,2010

While you guys are settling down from what I hope was a great father's day, we are just getting up on Monday :) Gotta love the time difference

Today is suppose to be Gotcha Day...suppose because a few things have happened that have changed that.Normally, gotcha day is when you go to the orphanage or child welfare office and you meet your child for the first time. the directors will be watching you to see how you interact with your child all the while you are trying to fill out paper work, take pictures and videos, and hand over gobs of money. That's usually how it works I guess.

But not for us. Remember how I said that Sarah from PHF wanted us to get Laila yesterday? Well after I got off the computer, Rose (our guide) called to tell us the Children's welfare office gave the okay for us to get Laila last night...awesome! Rose said they would meet us at our hotel in one and half hours. We were hungry, but we were thinking that we were all going to eat together...Think again! They had alrteady ate. Of course, my hunger went away with all the anticipation. Brandee and i walked down to the lobby, and I stood by the window watching for them, while Brandee went and sat down. They pulled up in a taxi about 8:20 pm. It was just the best thing to watch- ever! Laila was very shy but she would smile and say things very quietly to Sarah. Sarah was very nice and had brought along her usb that had almost 800 pictures of Laila from the time she went to PHF til now. How many adopted families would kill for that kind of gift. Laila shed no tears when she left Sarah and her nurse from PHF. She held Brandee's hand and didn't want to say goodbye. she was ready to go.

When we got to the room, we showed her where her new clothes were. She knows a lot more english that we thought. we had papers of her school work from the orphanage, so we looked through that. she was able to say all the animals she had colored, plus flower. She also looked through a photo album that Brandee had pictures of laila and the kids at PHF. She was saying all their American names (the kids at PHF are given American names by their sponsors). When we got to a picture of just her, Brandee asked her if she wanted to be called kathy or laila- she said laila :) You guys just have to hear her sing Jesus Loves Me...it is the cutest thing ever!!

I went downstairs to find food and give them a little one-on-one time. There are restaurants on different floors. I went to the second floor and made an idiot out of myself. I know that the chinese waitresses were talking about me and making fun of me...lol! i think for now on, when they say hello to me in english, I will reply back with some spanish or italian...what little that I know :) I did find food at a buffet style 'western' place in the lobby. I didn't know it was buffet, and I sat at the table like an idiot for 5 minutes before someone came and told me it was buffet. No adventurous eating last night. Just a nice salad, some pasta salad that was delicious and some fruit. The sucky thing about China- all your drinks are warm. yuck!!

When I got back to the room, Brandee was giving Laila a bath. she love it!! When she got out we ate some cookies and drank some water. Brandee and Laila skyped with Jarrod and Krissy- what a great Father's day gift for him :) We all were in bed by 930 pm, and Laila zonked out. She had skipped her nap that daay :) She slept the whole night and woke up when I got on the computer at 6:15 am. She just smiled when she saw Brandee and me. She ate some raisins. Then they skyped again with jarrod...a surprise skype :)

She is sitting on the bed coloring. she just wrote out her ABC's and sang the ABC song. She can write Laila in Chinese. Oh yeah! I forgot to tell y'all- she can count to 100 and knows all of her colors. I can't wait to see what all else she knows.

Travel day

2010-06-20T04:28:00.001-05:00

OMG y'all OMG!! We are finally in China...in a 5 star hotel no less. We're country girls, and it takes us going to Xining, China to get us some high class. I'll post pictures tomorrow. Oh! before I forget- any of you that are my facebook friends- Verizon has cut my internet access off. So I won't get to update any more until Cole can call and tell them to get it back on. It stopped working in Xi'an at the airport...boo!

I'm totally floored. We've waited so long to get here, and there were times I didn't know for sure that I would get to come along...and oh wow! Really that's all I can say-wow! I can already tell our eyes are going to be opened to a few things, we're going to have some culture shock, and we'll definately be leaving with thankful hearts.

So on to the update. You might want to grab a snack- this could get long :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
June 17
So my previous post was about packing and such on this day...but I forgot a key thing- I woke up @ 730 a.m. and didn't go to bed- AT ALL!!
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June18
I am still going strong. I tried to lay down @ 2:30 a.m. but sleep would not come. Ended back in the back room, packing and repacking ( 7 different times before I was satisfied) Cole was a sweet hubby and fixed me some fried eggs and toast while I tried to do some stuff online. At 900 a.m. I jumped in the shower to wash my hair and shave one last time- who knows when I will get to bathe next. Then it's back to the credit union to see if they have any new $20 bills and a few more $100 bills. Money has to look as new as possible with no writing.marks, or tears on them. Kind of makes it hard on us who go to foreign countries. By 11 a.m I am chomping at the bit to go. But we had already arranged to get to Brandee and Jarrod's after 1130- when Krissy would be gone

I waited to put on my travel clothes (grey razor back dress with black leggings) because I didn't want to have Marlee hair clinging to me when I lft. That's what happens at my house- doggie hair. Poor marlee. She knew something was up. she hadn't left my side all night until I shut her in the bedroom with Cole. We were trying to get them in their room, and she raced to me and was loving on me. she just did not want to go in that room. Trigg didn't really care. He just wanted to make sure he was minding :) I must admit, my eyes teared up when I was telling them bye. I'm gonna miss those little toots.

We stopped by the church and said bye to my mom and some others who saw us at VBS, then off to the Perry house. Brandee, Jarrod, me and Jarrod's friend left for Houston to the airport (IAH) We got to IAH and checked in. The airport has changed alot since the last time I was there- things have improved for the better :) We check in, and have our luggage to be weighed, and the guy doing this plays a little joke on Brandee...she puts her first bag on, and it weighs 89 lbs!! We were a little worried...89 lbs...that's alot of stuff to be packed in a suitacse. The guy doing our luggage had put his foot on the scale too...he got a good laugh at our faces :)

I seriously needed some food by this time, and convinced Brandee she needed some too. That's all I need- her passing out on me from the sheer stress of everything because she didn't eat. We split a wrap and headed to our gate. Our plane left @ 5:20 p.m (Texas time). I was a little nervous because Brandee and the rest of her family has told me 'horror' stories of Brandee flying- but she did awesome. The first 15 minutes of the flight were a tiny bit turbulant but smoothed out. The landing was smooth- so no worries. We got off the plane in Los Angeles, CA (LAX) and we had no clue where to go. We knew that we needed to leave terminal 6 and go to the Tom Bradley Intenational terminal but there were no signs telling us where to go. We stopped and asked a very friendly serurity guy- he had a heavy french/jamiacan accent. I totally zoned out after asking him " how do we get to the Tom Brady terminal"...lol! We were able to go left and then had to ask for directions again. Something about walking on a sidewalk...I dont know...and neither did Brandee. We eventually made it to sidewalk everyone kept telling on about- It was like 60 degrees outside. WHAT!? We had both wore cardigans so that helped.
We got to the correct terminal and there was this long line of people. The sign said Phillipine Air, and named others, including our airline- so we got in line. I was thinking man this really sucks if we have to spend our whole layover doing security crap. Luckily Brandee was on the up and up, and she asked someone next to us what we were doing, which led to us hopping out of line and going to the correct place. We learn something new every day right?

After checking in and getting our boarding pass, we decided to find our gate then get some food. yeah! that didnt work out so well...lol! we went upstairs because the only way to go was up- so we thought. We're walking around, the food smells delicious, and we can not find any signs that say such and such gate this way or whatever. so we head back downstairs thinking we missed it or something. We eventually found the entrace tucked away from everything, and we're about to enter and we decided to ask the security guy what kind of food is past the gate- none! He wasn't lying either. we were able to find a small snack store and that was it.

We got to our gate @ 830 pm LAX time (1030 TX time) and there was no one there. Our plane was suppose to leave at 1230 a.m. (LAX) No one shows up to the gate until 11p.m. and there are tons of them. There was no lining up to board the bus- it was push until you get to the front of the line. Our first experience with Chinese culture (they dont line up here) There was an older couple who thought they would be sneeky, and I kept body checking them :) we met 3 more families who were coming to china to adopt too...but they were all on there second or more adoptions. so that was cool to talk with them and get a few pointers. Pointer # 1: FIRST CLASS ON INTERNATIONAL FLIGHTS! Only one couple did this, but they said it was well worth the extra money to have that extra room.

By the time we were taxiing to our take off position, I had been up for 43 hours straight! and I was going down hill fast. Brandee made friends with the guy sitting next to her ( who put up with bathroom trips since I traded the window aisle seat for his window seat- I mean, he was 6'2" no way could he scrunch up for a 14 hour flight). i looked at them and said " I'm gonna crash hard." haha... I kept looking out the window to keep focused because i didn't want to go to sleep yet, and it looked like we were on a platform above the lights on the runway. I told this to Brandee and our seat mate, and they were like ' are you drunk?" " I might be..." I don't remember much for the first 8 hours of the flight. I didn't sleep straight through- I was in and out. I do know that I was cramped and all I could think was, we'll pay the money to be first class on our way home :)

We landed in Guangzhou @ 520 a.m.June 20 (China) which is 4:20 pm June 19 (TX) It was the best landing I have ever had. we didn't know we had landed until we started taxiing to the gate :)They announced that it was 84 degrees outside....84! And there was no air conditioner...none. it was like a freak'n suana in the whole airport. We had to pick up our bags and check in. This is where the whole "no line" thing screws people up. One airline lady sent us to one line, when we get to the front, that same chick tells us we're in the wrong line. So we used our Chinese breaking in line technique to get 3rd in the line we were suppose to be in :) The rest was cake! We went to the bathroom and I ended up with the squat potty while brandee had a normal toilet. We used our Chinese money to buy a coke. Then we loaded on to the plane to head to Xi'an. On the plane, we learned that you pretty much just sit where you want, and people don't move even when the stewardess tells them to. Brandee sat on a row up and opposite of me. I ended up sitting next to 2 older, smelly gentleman who hogged the window. We were in th air @ 835 a.m. (china) 735 pm (tx) They served breakfast on this plane too and the guy next to me became a nose blowing maniac- with out the tissue. So gross!! Brandee and I passed noted on the itouch talking about people :) There was a really good movie called 14 blades playing. I was wrapped up in it. definately a netflix movie. We landed in Xi'an @ 1045 am (china) and left there for Xining @ 1130 am (china) We landed in Xining @ 1245 pm (china)

I'm gonna wrap it up here.
We are staying at the Yinlong Hotel (google it to see how awesome it is) and we're meeting our guide in the morning @ 840. Then it's on to the Children's Welfare place to get Laila and fill out paperwork.
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awake for 43 hours straight.
23 hours flying
30 hours total travel time from buna,tx to the yinlong hotel, xining china.

Please pray that gotcha day and the rest of our days here will go smoothly.
----------------------------------
sarah, who escorted Laila to xining from beijing, called to see if we were here. Laila wanted to talk to brandee...too cute! she wanted to see if we wanted to meet up for supper or something since they are at a hotel a few kilometers away. When sarah asked laila if she wanted to see brandee tonight (explaining that she would have to go back with sarah to sleep) or did she want to wait until tomorrow where she would not come back with sarah- laila said she wanted to wait until tomorrow. she is one excited little girl :)
---------------------------------
I'm going to take a power nap, wake brandee up (she seriously needed a nap) go look for a teddy bear, grab a bite to eat, and crash hard. Until tomorrow.

The picture is of us when we finally made it to the sidewalk at LAX

Bags packed

2010-06-18T02:25:00.002-05:00

So it's 2 a.m. in Texas at the moment. I just finished packing...what!? I'm crazy like that. I just can't seem to pack for trips in advanced...I just have to pack the night before leaving- starting at 10 pm. I did come up with a creative way to do my clothes. I had to when I realized that rolling up each individual piece of clothing was not going to cut it. So, I put like clothing together (tank tops, pants, shirts) and stacked them one on top of the other, then rolled them. Instead of folding my socks and stuffing them in the mesh top compartment, I kept them individual and placed them flat. Then, I laid my dresses on top of the others clothes and stuff...viola! 1 bag...no extension...and it measures 58 inches and weighs 49 lbs. It's pretty heavy. Thank goodness for rolling bags :)

**UPDATE*** Well, I tried to lay down to sleep for a nap after I posted @ 2 a.m., because I want to try and get my body to start adjusting to the time change. Key word: tried :) I laid there for about 30 minutes going over everything that I packed and worried about how much the weight difference on the scales at the airport will be. I don't mind paying an over weight fee, but I didn't want to pay a size fee on top of that. Needless to say. I got up with this brilliant plan...I would just pay one fee- and that would be for an extra bag. Since the way my bag was packed, I would have no room for souvenirs and there is no way I'm going to China and not bring some goodies home. So back to the spare room I went. Got the carry on suitcase out- duct taped parts of it (a whole other story) then proceeded to pack all the non-clothes items in that suitcase. Then back to arranging clothes in the big suitcase....weighed them - 35 and 25. But did I really want to lug around 2 suitcases? I don't think so :)

Even if I attached the smaller one to the big one with the latch system, it was too heavy for me. Back to the drawing board. ugh! All in all, I packed and re-packed a total of 7 times.

BTW I officially stopped packing @ 7:20 a.m. ****

2010-06-16T15:50:00.000-05:00

Almost...

2010-06-14T11:22:00.000-05:00

I am hoping that these next few days fly by instead of drag. Come on Friday...hurry up and get here already!! We've waited this long, what's a few more days right? :)

I know that Brandee has packed, un-packed, and repacked many times...me- not once. I did measure my suitcase to make sure it's in the right dimensions, but other than that...not a thing. I probably should think about doing that before Friday morning, huh!?

I did have to buy some new clothes because I didn't have any that fit. Went shopping for myself some clothes for the first time since my hysterectomy. Got alot of cute stuff. So that is a plus...until I get the credit card bill next month...hahaha. We don't generally use credit cards unless we are ordering something online or it's a big purchase (reward points anyone?) But this was a special occasion.

My poor little furbabies. I think they know something is up. They've been extra snuggly and clingy these past few days. They're not going to know what to do. I've only been gone from them for 1 whole day, and they didn't sleep at all. They've never not had me there. I think they're going to need some serious therapy when I get back. Anyone know of a good doggie shrink?

I just want to say again- I am so freaking excited!! We've been waiting for so long, and now it is finally here.

Memories

2010-06-11T13:06:00.001-05:00

Oh New Kids on the Block...how I use to love you....and looking at this picture- I have no idea what I ever saw in you guys...although I will admit, I totally heart(ed) Donny! You're music was great though...The right stuff :)

2010-06-09T15:00:00.002-05:00

Another test...from the phone

Test Post

2010-06-09T14:56:00.001-05:00

Hey y'all! Don't mind me. I am just testing my posting ability from email. How else will I keep you guys informed of what's happening in China?

~Katie

Happy Birthday

2010-06-08T16:00:00.002-05:00

It seems so strange that today is your birthday.
You'd be 28 today.
Forever 26 years 11 months old.

Happy birthday dear Troy Dale, happy birthday to you...

It's a new season

2010-06-04T09:32:00.001-05:00

of So You Think You Can Dance...and I think it will be the best one yet!! I hope they don't do what they did last time, and do back to back seasons...that's just so pointless and I lose all interest. Anyway. I was watching the mob boss's daughter do her dance, and something came over me...and I was like "I can do that!"

do you see where this is going?

So I walked into the kitchen to get something to drink, and decided what the heck. and did a little move-the jump bent over at a right angle move and point your toes at the same time...you know that move?

well, the show really should come with a disclaimer- do at your own risk... do not try this at home unless you are a trained professional...not meant for fat people...

so I did the jump...

my dogs are looking at me like I'm crazy...

did I mention that I barely got off the ground, barely, as in, there was hardly any room to point my toes because I didn't get off the ground high enough...therefore I jammed the toe next to the littlest piggy.

I think I'll leave the dancing to the professionals!

New favorite

2010-06-01T16:04:00.000-05:00

Two 30-something women with designer purses and clothes overheard at a bagel shop shop in Bethesda
Woman #1: I saw all these homeless people when I was up in Boston last weekend.
Woman #2: I don’t know why anyone would be homeless in Boston, it snows too much.
Woman #1: I know! If I were homeless I’d want to be homeless somewhere it was warmer, like the Bahamas.
Woman #1: Exactly…or Haiti!

from my new favorite site: http://eavesdropdc.com

Hilarious!!

News

2010-06-01T09:39:00.000-05:00

It's OFFICIALLY official- we are headed to China......June 18 !!!! and we should be back in the Lone Star state July 3.

wooooooohoooooooooo!!!

Stuff

2010-05-28T10:27:00.000-05:00

any one want to donate some frequent air miles to help ease our cost in flying to China? anyone? nope...well, that's okay. Man o man. Looking for flights, trying to find best deal and not knowing when you're going to leave is super crazy! We kind of have a general idea, of course, we also thought we would have traveled by now ;) Summer time is super expensive! I mean, the airlines should make an effort to make flights cheaper so more people would track across the world.

funny story. Cole works with a guy who loves to travel. He ( we'll call him Fred) just came back from a 10 day jaunt in Europe. Fred even managed to pluck up the courage to hire a lady of the night. He's a bachelor, after all. That's a whole other story. Anyway. Fred came back to work talking about how he wished he had someone that would go with him, so he could have pictures of himself at various locations without having to ask natives to take the picture, and to have someone video tape stuff. So my loving husband tells Fred that he knew someone who was good at video taping and taking pictures, and would go in a heart beat, especially if he (fred) would pay for the flight and rooms...do you know who Cole offered up? me that's who! I'm actually okay with that. I want to travel the world and I like sight seeing and doing touristy stuff, and going off the beaten path- blah blah blah. BUT Cole could care less- unless it involves a hunting trip, and then those can only be in the US and maybe canada. I would love to go to New Zealand and kill a red stag but I can't talk him into it. :) and the only way I'll ever get to see the world is if I go with someone else or by myself. I mean, I am more than likely going to Korea by myself.

Ugh! Korea. I hope the North and the South don't start a war. How craptacular will that be and how will that effect adoption? we're sending in our application when i get back from China. scary!

Happy memorial day everyone!

Dear Blog

2010-05-25T10:37:00.003-05:00

How are you? I haven't talked to you in a while. I'm sorry I haven't been great about keeping you updated like I did in the good 'ol days...well, the bad days :) It's funny how things change, perspective changes, everything changes. It's also funny how when you're not dealing with trying to get preggo or dealing with death, that there's really not much else to write about. I'm just a boring person. I don't do much. I keep a pretty consistent routine. I get up, get dressed, go to work, come home, cook, watch a little tv, take a bath, go to bed and sometimes clean the house in between...repeat. There's hardly any little extras in there any more. Once this whole adoption thing kicks off, I'm sure I'll have tons more to say...maybe. Or maybe it will never kick off. I'm just not sure about anything any more. I want to be obedient to God. I want to do what I feel He has called us to do- which is adopt from Korea. but then, you start doing all the research- deciding on agencies- and then you see the cost! OMG! My heart sinks every time I see those numbers. Numbers I have no idea how we will ever come up with. It's hard to have faith when you know there is no way that you have those numbers available to you. I feel horrible. I get sick at my stomach. I have melt downs and pity parties. I am constantly going through my head all the things I had bought- kicking myself for each purchase. Then I go through the things that we will need that cost money and get even more sick wondering where the heck is the money going to come from. So I pray. But then I feel horrible about not having faith. Should I repent for my lack of faith? I don't know. I just know it eats at me. How can I ask God to provide when I lack the faith to believe that He will. It's horrible! Then other days...everything is sunshine and rainbows. I don't lack faith. I know that my God will provide for us. I know that we will be bringing up a little one or two. I know that God has a great plan for our lives and I trust him. I like those days the best. There's always a little extra spring in the step, a little more happier tunes to hum in my head. So yeah! I'm going to be here and there. I'm going to be everywhere. and maybe one day, eventually, I'll be back to blogging the way I use to. We'll see.

Made it

2010-05-10T13:45:00.002-05:00

Well, I made it through...kind of...sort of...mostly-Our first year without Troy.

Some days, I forget completely that he's not here any more. And until that headstone was placed over his body's final resting place, it really did feel like he was on vacation. But then the headstone came, and there's no more pretending that he's on vacation. I still call his phone periodically, just to hear his voice. Grateful, that my parents and brother do the same and that's why the phone hasn't been canceled yet. I still go read the last text messages he sent me- wishing me happy birthday. I will never, ever get rid of that phone. The whole week and then some leading up to his deathday, was just an exercise in memory recollection. I didn't ask for them, but they came. Each day with their on significant meaning. We've made it this far, and we will continue to make it.

Quotes

2010-04-21T08:46:00.001-05:00

Favorite quotes from Episode 1 and 2 from Season 2 of Glee

" Dolphins are just gay sharks."
" I pulled a hamstring and I went to see a misogynist."
"That sweater makes her look home schooled."

I love me some Glee! How I've missed you :)

Sometimes

2010-04-20T09:13:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I wish that I things had turned out differently. Sometimes I wish I would wake up and be 15 again. Sometimes I wish I had spoken up. Sometimes I wish I would not have back down. Sometimes I wish I had made better choices. Sometimes I wish I would have looked at the big picture instead of focusing on the small pin point. Sometimes I wish for a whole bunch of things that will probably never happen.

But most of all I wish I had just one more day to say I love you. One more day to get all the hugs I can. One more day to watch a movie with you. One more meal to eat together. one more day to laugh and share our inside jokes. One more day to play in the mud. One more day to borrow your clothes. One more text message. One more conversation. One more road trip. One more boat ride. One more hunting story. One more of everything...that all I wish for.

More something

2010-04-14T10:46:00.003-05:00

I think I should have explained a little more...more for my clarity than yours since I plan on making this blog a book one day :)

I had made the decision to search the waiting child photo listing at Rainbow Kids and Holt, with the desire to pick out a little one to specifically pray for. Not necessarily pray they are ours, but pray that they will have a family come for them soon. Because it breaks my heart to see these with medical conditions and other such special needs, all in need of a loving family. That's how I came across the little one I wrote about earlier. Of course, my heart just surged with joy at seeing his little face each and every time I looked at his picture.

My initial reaction to him being "the one" is probably just that- a reaction. It's sort of like dating when you were younger. If you were a person who couldn't wait to get married ( are were infatuated with idea of marriage-like me- without having a clue), it seemed like every person you dated was "the one." Unfortunately, it took ALOT of those idiots, and me finally saying " I give up. Just send him when you send him Lord. until then, I don't want to do this anymore " and what do you know...within a year, there he was, and there was the AHA! Moment when you just know.

So that's how I am approaching this adoption thing. For those of you who don't know, you don't necessarily go through pictures picking out your child. Some people are lucky and they see their child on a photo listing. Most people are sent a referral with the child's picture and medical information and you get to ponder,pray, and decide if this little bit is the one for you or not. Sometimes you accept right off the bat, and sometimes you have to pass. It's really up to what you are comfortable with, and if you know/feel you can provide the care that the little one will need. Of course there is more things to happen after the referral process and stuff like homestudy that happen before. I just wanted to give a little insight...

Now where was I..oh yeah! So anyway. I am so happy that Little Bit, who I named Baby G (because he looked like a G name) is going to committee with 3 families who want him. SOOOOOOOOO HAPPY! Now I am looking again for another little one to pray for, because I think every single one of those little ones deserve a family who loves them and can provide for the emotional, physical, and mental well being. They all deserve to grow up with a family and to know they are loved. Again, I will print his/her picture and keep it on the fridge and by my work desk, and I will name them, and I will pray for them.

I would really love to be able to sponsor every single one with a monetary donation, but life is life- and we just aren't able to. But I can pray. I can pray my little heart out and so can you. Why not pick a child from the waiting child list and pray specifically for him/her. How awesome would that be when they have " I have a family" on their picture! Totally! Who knows, maybe the child you pick to pray for is my little bit. Even more AWESOME!!

Something

2010-04-13T11:11:00.004-05:00

I was bummed for like 30 minutes...then I did what I've started getting good at- I got over it! Crazy! Normally, I would have pouted, maybe said a few choice words, had a little pity party, did a little self- loathing, maybe figured out a way to make this Cole's fault, and let's not forget the big'ol cry fest. but no. not this time. this time was peaceful. this time there was none of those things, just a gratefulness that someone (3 families in fact) also were drawn to the little guy wanting to be his new mommy and daddy.

This is going to sound crazy, and a few of you will be floored....I think I will be okay not having kids. Not having kids biologically ( because sometimes, I still have issues with not getting to try) and not adopting. I just wanted to know that Cole wants what I want- kids- and until very recently, he was on the fence. Up until he said" I want kids" I was super hurt that I was married to a man who didn't want what I wanted. I couldn't understand 9 and still dont) why God would allow my soul mate to have the complete opposite desire in the kid department. Especially after all that I've gone through to get to be a mom. I was super persistent while giving Cole his space, and I prayed continuously that Cole would change his mind. Now that he is at the " I want kids" place, I am okay if we don't. I just needed that reassurance that he was where I was. I needed to know I had someone in my corner.

am I saying that I don't want to continue on with the adoption journey? Nope. Not at all. I'm just saying that if some unforeseen things happen and we are not able to do adoption for whatever reason, I will be okay with it. I will be hurt, I'm sure and I will probably grieve for my last chance at being a mom...but I will be okay. I have great friends who include me in their kids lives. I have high hopes of my brother and brother-in-law having kids of their own one day.

I really do think I will be okay through all of this. Now if I can just make it through the rest of April and May...then we'll see how good I'm really doing ;)

A little bummed

2010-04-12T15:39:00.002-05:00

I'm a little bummed. The little boy that I have grown to love has " not taking any more requests" over his picture. :(
it's okay. I mean, I haven't been specifically praying for him to be ours, more like that he will have a family who will love him and cherish him the way that we would and that God will bless him with a family, whether it is us or someone else. So it looks like it will be someone else...unless God works some kind of miracle...He's been known to do that :) Really, I am just happy so many people were requesting information on the little guy.

no News

2010-04-09T08:24:00.002-05:00

No news is good news right? Wrong! No news is just that- no news. Nadda. I wish I had more to tell ya, but I don't.

Our application is still sitting on the table waiting to be finished. *sigh*

It's not that I don't want to finish it or that I don't want to send it in...it's a little overwhelming. Like BOOM...we're actually going to be parents...wth am I thinking?! I have all these little nagging doubts in my mind, and they usually pop up right when I am sitting down to fill in more on the app. We're going from being 'parents' to 2 four legged, furry, sometimes rambunctious, labs to parents of a two legged, kicking, screaming, poop monster who needs to be fed more than once a day and who can not be locked in a kennel when mommy needs a break. Seriously...I freak out like once a week now.

Then there is the money aspect of it all. It's a constant FEAR. I'm sure this is what every adoptive parent goes through. I trust that God will provide the money for us, and He will make this all happen...but I would like to see it NOW so all this anxiety would disappear. I hate being patient with stuff like this. HATE IT! It seems like every time we're making a positive step forward, we make a few backwards. Plus, there seems to be a few things that we will be needing at around the same time we will be paying for the adoption- like a vehicle, new tires for the car and truck, a new driveway. Why can't we need some small inexpensive thing like a walmart swimming pool :)

The other thing holding up the process...I would love to say this is a WE journey, but really it's a ME journey. Me makes all the decisions. Me is preparing. Me is making plans. Me is doing everything but sitting on my ass saying " I don't care." grrrr. We've had a few discussions, not arguments- actual discussions, about this problem for the last 3 weeks or so. It's becoming a pattern with Cole, one that I want to stop now before he accidentally finds himself sleeping with the fishes at the bottom of Sam Rayburn Lake :) No officer I don't know why my husband would be on the lake so late at night without lights. He seemed fine. No I don't know why there were cement blocks in the boat. You say his feet were tied to them! OMG! You think this was a mob hit? I think I need a drink ;)

WE are working on the ME not being the sole decision maker concerning Little Bit...or at the least that WE will show some enthusiasm when I say things like- I don't want to name our kid Harry because our last name is Johnson...because that is a serious dilemma...finding a name that doesn't make the sexual reference of Johnson any worse :) So there will be no Harry, Hardy, Shaggy, Black, White, or anything like that Johnson running around at our house...well, not in public anyways :)

Confession time...I lied about having good news ;) You forgive me right?!

WE aka: ME, has found our little one...He's on the waiting child list. He's too cute for words. WE have already named him. WE are praying that he is ours. Did I mention that he is the cutest little guy ever! and no, I did not pick him off the list because he was cute. Actually, I wasn't even looking on the list for our kid anyway. I was just looking. He's been on the list for a few months now, and yet, it was only 2 weeks ago when I felt drawn to him. It was the most incredible feeling. It's like knowing your husband is the one, but way better. Every time I look at his little face, I am filled with all these crazy emotions that bounce all around in my heart and stomach. I have printed his picture off, and keep one next to my work computer and the other on the fridge...and I talk to him everyday. I love looking at his sweet little face. I love praying for him. I just love this little guy and I haven't even met him yet.

I don't know the wait time for everything since we officially can't have our approved home study sent in until October- which is another reason I am dragging up on the application. Who knows! Maybe they'll make an exception for a waiting child. A girl can dream...

Giggle giggle

2010-04-07T09:17:00.002-05:00

The sign says:

and for that idiot jeffrey from up the street who throws hissy fits every time he has to leave his dog outside for a second.
Jeff your dog is the size of the average rat. If you bring his whiny butt inside the post office again we're calling pest control. Get a life!! XO

A Letter

2010-03-31T14:31:00.002-05:00

Dear Nicolas Sparks,
I recently had the pleasure of consuming (because that what I do when I read- consume) Dear John and Last Song. although both are very good reads, I am seeing a pattern here...maybe you want to think about that?! Boy meets girl during the summer. they hook up. they fight. they make up. they fight some more. someone has a crisis. people cry. happily ever after. It's not just these two books I've seen this in, but in almost all of the books that I have read by you. There's only so many different variations of summer love you can cash in on. And another thing. I don't understand why you would say that you had Miley Cyrus in mind when you wrote Last Song, Because your character does not seem like Miley at all, other than the whole trying to find their place in the world stuff. I seriously enjoyed the books, and I will probably even watch the Hollywood version of them. I just hope to see a new direction from you- the summer love, happily ever after is getting old- in your next book.

Thanks!

It's already started

2010-03-30T10:16:00.002-05:00

The whole " why adopt from Korea?" discussion has already started and we haven't even officially started the process yet. Seriously people...what part of " God said..." don't you get?

I'm sure that once word gets out and I start posting more on facebook and such, that we will have more of these questions. If you are one of those people or know someone who will be, please come up with something creative to say...so at least I get a chuckle out of it :)

Much love!

China here we come

2010-03-29T10:24:00.002-05:00

Brandee got the good news on 3/24/10.... LOA!!

So it looks like we will be headed to China *hopefully* no later than June to pick up Miss Laila. So excited...now I need to get serious about packing and saving more $$ for goodies...lol!

China and Korea...we're going to have Asian Cajuns running around during the holidays from here on out!

Almost

2010-03-26T10:25:00.003-05:00

It's almost April!! I have never before been excited about April. Our application is almost completed. I want us to sit down together and do the financial part of the app. I do not have a head for money. I can spend it. Sometimes I can save it. But for the life of me, figuring out assets and all that crap they ask you for is over my head. *blush* Cole's being a real downer about it because he doesn't understand why they need all that information. He has a point, but I don't feel like wasting time and finding out if they really need to have that or not. I just want to have it all filled out, write a check, take a picture, and mail it all off by April 5th...

I need one good thing to happen in April...ya know.

I think we're gonna have a hard next few months. April is when Troy started to go down fast. May is when he died. June is when he was born.

It's gonna be some sucky time, and getting this application off will give us all a little silver lining.

Decisions, decisions...

2010-03-18T09:58:00.003-05:00

Well another tiny step to adoption fun is down. We have picked- and when I say "we" I mean "me"- our agency. (cole really could care less- just wants the cheapest one...typical male...lol! )

We were recommended 2 agencies from our home study group Lutheran Social Services of the South- and both were agencies that I had already researched. The other was an agency that someone had recommended. After much thought, lots of back-and-forthing, it all came down to gut reaction. Who knew!?

So we will be working with Holt International.

The application is filled out and we are waiting until April (when it will be 6 months til we have been married 3 years) to send it in.

We finally were able to go through- together- over the special needs we would be okay with. Let me tell ya- that was some hard stuff. Some things I felt very strongly that we just weren't equipped or ready to handle and Cole agreed- like down syndrome or autism. But other things that I felt we could handle, Cole didn't- like albinoism or dwarfism. But we finished, and we are both comfortable with the special needs we would be open to- most of which are minimum and a few with moderate. Cole's biggest worry is that we will accept a special needs child who will die shortly after we get them or at a young age. I can totally understand that fear- and I must admit, that death never crossed my mind. Of course, if it's God's will then we have nothing to say about it.

Aw man! I am already feeling little prickles of anxiety and we haven't even official began. It's going to be some ride...hopefully a short one :)

Adoption stuff...

2010-03-10T08:53:00.004-06:00

I have been spending the last week or so researching adoption agencies....and I finally have it narrowed down to 3. We'll be praying over these. I'm really excited! I can't wait to see God really move some mountains for us and to watch how all of this will unfold.

I can't wait to begin the new process of waiting, and waiting, and spending lots of money while waiting some more. Let's not forget all the paper work too.

WHAT AN ADVENTURE THIS WILL BE!!

Of course it will be all worth it when I am in Seoul holding our little one or ones- in case we get a serious miracle and get siblings ...a girl can hope :)

When God speaks

2010-03-09T08:48:00.003-06:00

Where to start? I think that some time ago, I kind of touched on the fact that I haven't been diligent in praying for adoption in one of my posts. I'm too lazy to go look which one, but I'm sure I did...or at least wanted to. That is a hard pill to digest. Not praying for something that I want. Not hoping and wishing for it to happen soon. That was just not me. I needed a break though. Crazy but true. I needed a breather from the craziness of the next step. It always seems when you're dealing with infertility- there's always "the next step" crap. I was just so over that. I am tired of waiting for the next step. So basically, I handed everything to God, apologized for not praying constantly over it, and trusting Him to do His thing when it was His time. I think deep down, I knew that I needed to grieve for the "what if ", the "could have been" and the "if only" before I could positively move forward.

Now with all that said...it doesn't mean that I didn't think about it or even cry over it...because I did. Sometimes more than others. As the time to go to China to pick up beautiful Laila gets closer and closer, I have been filled with this great longing...and a lot of questions... What will we do if I am over there and I see/meet our child and I just know? Will I try to sneak them out of the country? Will people raise money to bail me out of a Chinese jail? Would I get to plead insanity? How will I last that long of a wait knowing who my child is? It was a very crazy time for me. I tried very hard not to think those things, but kept being bombarded with those questions.

You see, the thing is. We were pretty sure that we would be adopting from China. Which means we would get to start the process maybe Fall of 2011 since I would be 30 and Cole would be turning 30 in January 2012. So I had resigned myself to wait trusting that this would all happen in God's time.

BOY WAS I SHOCKED when on February 25 @ 10:15 am when God caught me completely off guard and said " I want you to adopt from..." That's not what I expected at all. Actually, I didn't expect God to speak so clearly to me. Sure I expected some nudging ,some sleepless nights and to feel His guidance- not out and out HEAR HIM and FEEL HIS PRESENCE the way that I did that day. It was AMAZING and TERRIFYING all at the same time. I about had a complete nervous, sobbing, crazy break down at work. If my co-worker had not left early, I would have ran home and hid...seriously. BUT she left, and I stayed to deal with what God was saying...because He worked on me good...not just with adoption but with EVERYTHING else too.

Did I question God's sanity? Did I question my own? You better believe it. Each and every time I would say, God are you sure- He would show me something else. Each doubt was put to ease. By the time I went home, I was completely at peace with what He had showed me.

Until I remembered there was someone else that I would have to let in on what had happened...man o man. Cole is a stubborn fool sometimes. I love him to death. I am completely and utterly thankful that he is the person that God had chosen for me...but sometimes...grrr. You know what I'm talking about. So when I told him what God had laid on my heart-hoping that he would be moved by the Spirit- only to be met with silence. Then to be met with " I don't really care if we have kids or not." Did you hear my heart break? Because it did. I could not fathom for one little bit why God would instill in me this desire to be a mom and let me marry someone who could care less if we had kids or not. So I prayed and cried out. Prayed some more. Prayed some more.

and Cole is coming around. He thinks we're moving fast because we don't have the money (remember how I said we didn't plan on doing anything until 2011- that includes saving up) I totally believe that God is going to provide the money for this to happen. So much so, that I have told our parents, grandparents, and siblings where we are adopting from...

now I am telling you guys. Are you ready? sitting anxiously on the edge of your seat?

We're going to adopt from KOREA!!!

I just want to thank you guys for the prayers you have lifted up on our behalf that most definitely led to this. I also want to ask that you continue to pray for us, because I seriously have no idea what agency or where the money is going to come from. All I know is God is directing our steps and has told me He will provide, and I am putting my complete faith and trust in Him.

Let the journey begin!!

Happy 200th post!!

2010-02-26T15:54:00.003-06:00

It's my 200th post! I've been waiting and waiting, and stretching out my posts- waiting and waiting some more for something awesome...and I wanted to do a give away...

What better way to celebrate my 200th but with good news!!

Congratulations to Ms. J @ In our own way She gave birth today around 9 am to a beautiful 5lb 15 oz baby girl. So happy for them and can't wait to see pictures. Rest up Ms. J- your life is about to get BUSY!!

Congratulations to Megan and Josh! They're finally engaged, as of 3 something this afternoon...That was a hard secret to keep. I know Troy is doing a dance in Heaven for you guys. Josh is Troy's best friend, like since diaper days best friend. He was a saving grace to our family and to my brother when he moved back to Buna. He is also my clubbing buddy from back in the day when I use to go out dancing. He had my back and I had his in case we were approached by some 'unattractive' people. He's been my 'adopted' brother for years and years...and Megan is my cousin. We played house together when we were younger. I watched her on the drum line, and drill team, and cheerleading. One day we're gonna write us a screen play :) We have grown pretty tight since she's moved back to Buna and I think of her as a dear, close friend. LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

and the most exciting news of all....as if something could be better than love and babies...

I know where I want to adopt from. I'm going to save the details for another post- and you will be amazed...because I was. Now I just need God to move the mountain of my husband's stubborn heart :)

HAPPY 200TH POST! THANK YOU TO ALL MY BLOG READERS WHO HAVE STUCK WITH ME FROM THE BEGINNING, WHO HAVE JUST ARRIVED, AND EVERY ONE IN BETWEEN. YOU HAVE SEEN ME IN SOME ROUGH PATCHES OF MY LIFE. SEEN MY DEMONS, SO TO SPEAK. I TOTALLY APPRECIATE EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU. THANK YOU FOR THE PRAYERS AND THE CONTINUED PRAYERS.

ALLIGATOR FOOD Y'ALL! (that's code for Love you)

Snowman Follies

2010-02-24T09:25:00.002-06:00

Good bye Mom...

2010-02-23T12:44:00.001-06:00

Thought I'd share with you guys...sniff sniff

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around.. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him. She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son." He answered, "That's okay." "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy." She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom." The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.

"That comes to $121...85," said the clerk..

"How come so much? I only bought 5 items."

The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."

Bet you thought this was going to be a tear jerker. Don't trust Little Old Ladies!

Thought for the day

2010-02-23T10:24:00.001-06:00

Women are Angels

And when someone breaks our wings....

We simply continue to fly......

....on a broomstick...

We are flexible like that ....

HELP PLEASE!!

2010-02-11T13:33:00.001-06:00

Hi Everyone,

I feel terrible for asking, but I do need your help. And who other than
friends and family, can I really ask for help?

I need to sell my new dishwasher. My better half is not happy that I've
wasted money on this particular model, it doesn't even get the dishes overly
clean and he insists that I get rid of it ASAP.

So, to keep the peace in my home, please consider making me an offer. All
offers will be considered. Would make a great gift to yourself!

If not interested, forward to your friends for me. Thanks!

I have included a picture below.

random tid bits

2010-02-05T08:29:00.004-06:00

How to get a new purse and wallet: Dump a chocolate protein shake in your old one and completely ruin it, along with the wallet too.

How to get your husband to get on board with having/adopting a baby? Get your taxes done and owe money, and have your tax person tell you " You really need to have some kids." :)

How to get a new vehicle: have the tax lady say "you should think about buying a new car this year."

It works- kind of :)
---------
We had our taxes done yesterday, and we do owe- $72. haha! Apparently my crap job does not take enough taxes, even though I have changed my form twice to get them to take out more money. YES our tax lady really did say we should get some kids or buy a new car this year. Which is kind of funny because we were thinking about getting a new vehicle anyway. BUT that will happen only if I can get a better job that pays more and offers sick/vacation days. Screw the benefits- I have those. I just need more $$...haha who doesn't right?
______

Having my first super bowl party @ my little trailer Sunday. WhO dAt?! I'm excited about having people over because no one ever comes over to visit- I think it's because of the dogs ;) BUT I am not excited about the frantic cleaning I will be doing tonight and tomorrow...lol! It's a last minute party and I am by no means one of those people who keeps a spotless house. So it will be a great feat for me to get it 'hairless'. Those that are coming and reading this: The drive way is flooded. I can drive my car down it, so don't worry about getting stuck. It just looks like you will. Follow the tracks.
---------
Speaking of super bowl and new cars- Kinsel in Beaumont is offering the following deal: Come buy a new vehicle this weekend, and if the Saints blow out the Colts-meaning Colts do not score at all- your car is free!! That's pretty enticing but I don't like the odds. Payton and the Colts offense will have to be having a really horrible day for that to happen.

--------
Did you see my ticker? 102 miles-- whoop! I'm still thinking about making my goal 100 miles a month, but going to China might mess that up a bit :) although, it will be a great reason to be messed up over. BTW: My passport was in my purse yesterday- LUCKILY it was just lovingly placed into the new travel wallet that I had just gotten. No I do not carry the passport every where- I was just too excited to try it's new home out, and didn't want to leave it in the car. Let me tell ya! Not a drop of chocolate in the thing :)

Hmph

2010-02-04T09:06:00.002-06:00

You know it's going to be one of those days when you manage to dump half of your protein shake into your purse which contains some very important paper work and other crap that you keep for "emergencies".

Yep. Gonna be a good day.

BTW: My oversized purse is now sitting upside down in the trash can by my desk. All the contents spread across napkins across my mail desk. Plus- I just noticed that all that chocolatey goodness has seeped through the fabric and dripped on the floor. My poor white purse is all brown now. :(

Good times!

January this and thats

2010-02-01T09:08:00.002-06:00

I am starting to measure my life by months instead of days now. I think that is a step up in the right direction. Of course, there are still those really horrible, I don't want to face the world days- but they are getting fewer and fewer- and I am totally grateful for that!

I haven't had multiple cry baby sessions this month- woohoo. Trust me! This is BIG because I was averaging 2 a week. I did cry for the trailer of the Richard G. movie about the dog that waits on his owner at a train station. The trailer was playing on the tv, and Cole was standing beside it talking to me, and apparently my face changed all of a sudden- he was totally freaked out, and was like " what's wrong?" and all I could do was point at the tv and bawl like a baby. It was pretty comical but there was a whole lot of jumbled up, not vented out yet, feelings mixed into that breakdown.

I did manage to ride 92 miles this month on the pro form bike. another woo hoo moment. I wanted to do 100 miles, but I was just too busy yesterday to log that last 8 miles in. Oh well- 92 miles is an accomplishment for me no matter.

My passport arrived 2.5 weeks after I ordered it. China here I come! I am so excited and it makes me want to be 30 that much sooner...haha! Who would have thought you would want to be older past 21. Just another year and then we too, will get to start the process.

So I am kind of jumping the gun here. We do NOT know if we will be trying to adopt from China, but more than likely, we will. It's not something we talk about regularly. Heck it's not even something we (ok, I don't know about Cole, but me) pray about regularly at the moment and I really can't tell you why. I just don't feel moved to pray for that adventure just yet. BUT I am sure, once I get home from China, my little heart will be YEARNING for us to start the process :)

I haven't had a soda or diet soda or anything of the carbonated family all month! That's something since I only drink dp when we eat out because the water in the city (no matter if it's tea of not) tastes horrible. There are a few places with great sweet tea/unsweet tea: Hooters, Cheddars, & Logans.

We're getting a travel trailer on Thursday and we're getting our taxes done too :) Cole will start a turn around on the 19th for a month long of 12 hour work days. He's used to working the 12 hour shifts, but not a month of straight days. I'm grateful for the straight days even though nights is a higher pay grade. A month of nights would be too much for me to handle...haha

so yeah! That's everything in a nut shell. Oh there's other stuff going on, but I am sworn to secrecy at the moment **You know who you are **

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:

2010-01-21T11:14:00.000-06:00

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HI T THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT:

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

How many dogs?

2010-01-18T09:12:00.002-06:00

I counted 33. Mom in the center has 9 in her lap. Seriously! Who needs that many lap dogs?!

update

2010-01-18T08:50:00.004-06:00

Sorry I haven't been on here to let y'all know how Friday went- things have been crazy!

first off- THANK YOU again to all of you who prayed for me. I didn't lose the 4 lbs that I was hoping, but the doctor said that was okay because of the impressive 57 miles I had done on the bike in 2 weeks. Of course, their scale said I only lost 1 pound ( and I was fully dressed, with shoes and jacket on).

I guess you want to know what's going on- huh!? Well, I had surgery on Friday. I had a hiatal hernia that was repaired and some other stuff done. I am officially nursing 5 new incisions, and praying for some gas relief. If you've never had surgery on your abdomen, they blow you up with gas, and then that gas settles into your shoulders and the only way to get that out- well, I'm sure you can use your imagination to figure that one out. I have been living off of GasX trying to get rid of it, but it's being very stubborn. Did I mention how painful it is? Out of the 9 surgeries that I have had, this is by far the most painful- thanks to the gas.

So yeah! That's what I've been up to. I am at work for at least 1/2 the day.

Selfish Prayer request

2010-01-13T08:51:00.002-06:00

I feel kind of stupid for asking any of you this- and if you are offended- I am truly sorry. My prayer request is very selfish, but I am at my wits end and need some help- Godly help. I myself have been praying hard for this (that I feel like a broken record). What could I possibly need that I would feel so embarrassed about asking for help from you guys about?

I need to lose 4 lbs by Friday when I go to the doctor.

I know- crazy right!? But seriously. I need to lose this 4 lbs. I've lost 6 and need to round out to 10 total pounds by Friday. I feel bad-lazy-crazy-selfish- for asking you to pray for this, but I am not so stuck up that I can't ask for help or prayer- even as out there as 4 lbs lost.

Don't worry. I am not slacking on my end. I have been dieting, exercising, and praying for the last two weeks to pull this off. BUT it's crunch time, and I could use the extra help.

To all of you that lift this request up- THANK YOU from the deepest part of my heart.
To those that don't- that's okay. no problem. I completely understand.

I promise I will post what this is all about- just not yet.

AGAIN- THANK YOU !!

So far

2010-01-12T09:49:00.002-06:00

I have biked 24 miles
walked 9 miles
went to church (the last 2 Sundays)
went to bible study

As for the China thing, I was finally able to sneak away from work yesterday and get my passport. :) Plus, I got all my vaccinations. Woohoo!!

I think that's a pretty good start to my goals for this year. I think I might step up my game just a little and say " I'm gonna bike 300 miles this year" That's 25 miles a month. I think I can do that.

Now to start on : my packing list for China- Ms. J any suggestions for what to pack or skip packing?

2010

2010-01-04T10:42:00.003-06:00

I can't say that I am sad to see 2009 gone. I'm pretty glad not to have to deal with it anymore. It seems that the last 5 or so years have been really sucky for my little family and myself. Needless to say, I am hoping beyond hope that this year will be WAY better than the last few; although, I will settle for an okay year too- as long as it doesn't suck.

I don't like to make resolutions, but I do like to make goals. I haven't made any goals for myself in forever! I think the last time I sat down to write my goal list was my freshman year in college. Ahhh! The good old days when my goals where for things like a boyfriend, or to pass math, or to not miss too many days.

2010 Goals:

try to exercise. I'm not talking about getting a gym membership, buying a weight set, enrolling in whatever. I'm talking about, just getting up and moving around-say walking a few miles a week.
stay on top of the housework- instead of living out of the laundry basket or waiting 'til Cole gets feed up and folds the clothes, actually taking the time to fold them when they're out of the dryer. Now putting them up when I'm done will have to be a goal for next year ;) baby steps people.
get my kitchen in order. my table is full of Christmas gifts, craft projects, and hunting magazines- not to mention junk mail.
go to China- okay, so this is pretty much going to happen unless something major happens
start going to a bible study group- even sporadically- better than not going :)
start going to church more. I've been really slack in this department, more so in 2009 than any other. Before, my excuse was sleep. If I start getting slack on sleep, I end up sick and I usually tried to make up sleep on Sundays. Not every Sunday, but I probably missed 1-3 Sundays a month from 2000-2006. When I started working at the hospital, I worked on Sundays, or worked until early Sunday morning- so my absence couldn't be helped. When I got married, I went with Cole on his off days to either my church or his church. But since Troy died, I have maybe gone 5-10 times. I didn't feel guilty about it. I wasn't even sleeping in. I would get up, eat breakfast, and go grocery shopping. At first it was because I was angry with God- understandable. But then it just became too much to be there. I couldn't help be reminded that was the last place that I had seen Troy. then I would be flooded with all this thoughts, memories, questions. It was all too much to handle for me. My best friend lost her first born, and our church was the last place that she saw him. She came to church faithfully (maybe out of spite) and I wish that I was as strong as her. She is my inspiration. so I am going to try, even if it means me going to another church.

So here's to a better year!

Merry Christmas

2009-12-22T09:21:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas to all of you!

That's all I've got.

Snow Pics

2009-12-04T16:15:00.001-06:00

Snow days

2009-12-04T14:00:00.002-06:00

You know you live in South East Texas when you get let out of school/work early due to SNOW and of course those nasty road conditions ;)

Woohoo! I'm leaving @ 230 from work headed home to the snow (and some sleet)

Maybe we'll get that 3 inches they're forecasting for tonight.

Scary

2009-11-30T13:04:00.002-06:00

I have had some pretty out-there scary moments- like the time, my former bff and I were jumped by some wanna be gang bangers at a grocery store on my 14th birthday, narrowly missing being drove into a train going 100 mph, you know scary stuff. Anyway, the point- I'm sure there is one- is I had a very incredible, scary moment last night. Cole is gone to the deer lease, like he normally is on his off days during this time of year, so I am by myself. I made my normal bed time rounds- take the dogs outside for a bedtime potty. lock the doors. double check to make sure they're locked. turn on dishwasher. shut the bedroom door. place laundry basket in front of door. sleep.

At 330 am I wake up from a perfectly good dream without any warning...only to hear a man's voice down the hall. At first, I think it's Cole talking. But I remember that he didn't call to say he was coming home early so that I wouldn't shoot him. The doggies are snoring, so I think maybe the "voice" was really a snore. Except I hear it again. I'm starting to get a little worked up. Cole forgot to put the 12 gauge shotgun back behind the door where it normally stays. I could get the pistol from the bedside table and load it, but then "they" might hear me cocking the hammer. I could get up, and load it in the bathroom closet, except "they" might hear me get up. I finally decide to get up, wake my dogs up- since they will bark at whatever is out there- and see if anyone is out there. I look behind the couch, in the foyer, in both spare bedrooms, closets and bathroom. NOTHING! There's no wet footprints on the porch (it was raining). I moved my fall container so that the rain would stop thumping on it (that way I wouldn't get worked up over that too). I go back to bed and sleep with one eye opened. Okay, not opened, but I did wake up like every 30 minutes or so. So this was scary, but it could have been chalked up to imagination EXCEPT this morning, I went to use the spare bathroom after taking the dogs outside, and someone had peed in the toilet. SERIOUSLY!! Everything looked like it had when I went to bed, except for the pee.

This isn't the first time. The last time, I woke up to find the kitchen sink plugs turned upside down- on both sides. I usually either have one laying in the sink or in the drain, but not upside down and not both plugs.

Sometimes I just have to wonder...hmmm

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

2009-11-25T08:52:00.002-06:00

I am stuck at work today, until sometime this afternoon- I'm thinking of jetting out of here around 2 ish :) . Thank goodness I will be off Thursday and Friday.

I can't wait for tomorrow! Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. When I was younger, we use to do 2 thanksgivings- one with my dad's family where we would all head out to the old camp in the neches river bottom, and stay the night and eat the next day whatever animal was killed during the hunt. We had other food too, but it was always about the fresh meat :) and we always do Thanksgiving day with my mom's family.

My mom really wanted to go away this year, but seeing how the rest of us have to work on the various days, we vetoed that. I can understand her want to get away, but I think it's more important that we're surrounded by our family who loves us.

I'm so thankful for my family and my wonderful friends- I love you all !

Some stuff

2009-11-19T09:06:00.004-06:00

I just want to thank all of you who left comments on my " I wonder" post. It's so wonderful to know that so many people care for you, and will encourage and lift you up when you're down. This time of year is very hard because it's fall- and fall means hunting season. This is my family's favorite part of the year besides baseball season. So I am often sitting with Troy telling him about all the deer in my back yard, Trigg's duck hunting success, who's killed what, and the different bucks caught on the game cameras. Because that's what we do-did. This time last year, I was trying so hard to cling to a hope of having a baby- even though I already knew in my heart the results. This time last year the pain, the physical, emotional, and mental pain- of EVERYTHING baby and Troy was too unbearable...

and yet, here I am. Today. still struggling with the pain. it's not going to completely go away, but it will fade. I'm sure of it.

What is hardest to deal with now is the waiting. 2012 seems so far off from this side, and yet, it will be here before I know it. I'm trying to get myself healthy, physically and emotionally so that I can enjoy my next journey -even through all the miles of exhaustive paper work, and wading through the financial what if's- I want to enjoy it because that will all be worth it. See, I do have HOPE...it just gets buried sometimes under the memories.

I'm going on a new adventure in January. I'm not ready to say just yet, because there are a few things that have to be worked out...and hopefully, I'll even have some money saved up to go to China in the spring.

I wish I can say there are nothing but blue skys ahead, but well, I'm still working through stuff.
This blog is my coping mechanism...it's helped and I bet it will keep on helping.

BTW- Ms. J, as of yesterday I am 5'4 1/2"...and my feet are still wearing size 3 flip flops :)

Honest Scrap Award

2009-11-16T09:46:00.004-06:00

So I have received the Honest Scrap Award from my dear friend and cousin Megan

Thanks girl! I miss you bunches and totally want to punch my boss in the face for not okaying me getting off from work to come see you this weekend- I thought about calling in sick, but the last minute plane tickets are monstrous!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is how this award thing works- some awesome person passes the award to you, and you in turn write 10 HONEST things about yourself and pass on to another awesome person :)

in the words of Corky Collins " Awaaaaay we go!"

1. I hate talking on the phone. When I was in high school, I would make up excuses not to talk to my boyfriend- my mom needs the phone, that was so-and-so on the other end, i have to study, etc... Now I let my phone go to voice mail most days.

2. I lie when I panic and not the good lie, but the kind that says "I'm lying."

3. I was hung up on the guy I dated my senior year in high school- even hoping for him to get a divorce (not my proudest moment) until the very moment I met my husband and it all disappeared :)

4. I dated some obviously BAD guys on purpose to try and get my parents to tell me not to. They never did. Gotta hate the whole, you're a responsible adult and can make your own decisions attitude.

5. I wish almost everyday to be 15 again, so I can start over and know -medically- what I would be facing. If I knew before hand, I think it would have made things easier on me and I would have went to college to actually get a degree instead of going to keep my insurance.

6. I was almost held back a grade when I was in 8th grade- I missed 70 days in 3 months- but I had straight A's and was an honor student...so they couldn't touch me. (that was the beginning of my endometriosis problems)

7. I think I was born in the wrong time period. I would have been better off in the old west, when things were lawless, and you just shot people or hung them from a tree. I would have owned my own house of ill repute :)

8. I have a bad habit of starting a craft project, then stopping or even throwing it away when I mess up- I usually mess up when I'm 3/4 finished...ugh!

9. I'm addicted to sugar free gum. I've chewed 4 pieces since I started typing this.

10. I have tiny feet. Like I can wear a kids 3 1/2 tiny feet :) I'm very out of proportion..I don't know why I don't just tip over.

Whew! That was kind of hard. Now for me to pass it on to someone awesome. hmm. I'm passing this Honest Scarp award to Stacey at Stacey's Thoughts on Infertility. She writes so beautifully, and you can tell she just has IT! I totally relate to her and often times have thought about posting on a topic, only to see that she just posted on the same topic.

I wonder

2009-11-12T09:12:00.002-06:00

I wonder what it feels like to look down and see a + on a pregnancy stick.
I wonder what it feels like to grow a little life inside of you.
I wonder what it feels like to feels kicks, punches, and other what have yous from that little baby.
I wonder what it feels like to see your baby for the first time on an ultra sound.
I wonder what it feels like to have your water break.
I wonder what it feels like to be in labor.
I wonder what it feels like to deliver a baby.
I wonder what it feels like to hold that newly born baby in your arms.
I wonder what it feels like to wait patiently for your baby to come into the room after all the assessments.
I wonder what it feels like to feed your baby for the first time.
I wonder what it feels like to bring that baby home.
I wonder what it feels like to have a plan.
I wonder what it feels like to know what your next step is.
I wonder what it feels like not to hurt any more.

I wonder, because that's all I can do. None of those things are possible.
I still wonder. It's all I have left.

Flea Market

2009-11-08T18:05:00.002-06:00

I went to the Winnie Trade Days on Saturday and found this Michael Jackson Thriller record- has Thriller, Billie Jean, Beat It, and some other songs- can you believe it?! I only paid $10

I can't believe someone didn't get it before I did...of course, it was at one of those booths that sells "junk" none of the crafty stuff that most people buy :)

Something

2009-11-06T13:19:00.005-06:00

I was sitting here thinking -because there is nothing else here at work to do and it's been 1:20 for the last 2 hours- or so it seems. I thought about making a list, because I just read McMama's post where she talks about " list out on paper our spouses' good qualities and the things we like about them so we can focus on those instead of on, ahem, those other things"

I think that's a good idea...but then again, I may be bored and time is dragging, but I don't feel like it. I complain a lot to Bonnie about Cole, and all the negatives, and I do forget the positives- because that kills my buzz. I love my hubby. I love him with a fierceness that is indescribable- but I don't always like him. You know love and like are two different things. I think every one has that kind of relationship with those you love...or at least, I like to think so.

Cole has come to know two things- all things babies and all things cancer- make me cry.
So I am sometimes banned from watching Grey's or Private Practice because of the horrible aftermath that sometimes follow watching one of these episodes.

He will switch channels if there is a show on that involves pregnancy, parenting, or illness.

He anticipates that I may come home upset after spending the day with Bonnie and her kids, or baby showers, or hospital visits- even people's stupidity about our circumstance.

But he never anticipates his reaction...
Last night at wally world we run into an older man (50s) he use to coon hunt with. Most of the conversation was about hunting...blah blah blah. Then the old guy looks into our buggy (which had dog food, scent lock detergent, a chicken, cold medicine, and milk ) and asks "so when are you gonna have some kids? don't you think it's about time?"

Cole tries to hem and haw an answer out, but the old man is very adamant that we need to have us some kids. Cole tells him we have medical issues...and still the old man goes on- even as far as to say "my 8th grand kids is gonna be born soon. you really need one."

Cole looks to gauge my reaction because he anticipates that this will upset me, even though he is clearly flustered...

and I am laughing inside. Because its about time he gets this crap put on him. Every one assumes we don't have kids because Cole hunts too much...so they have no problem making comments about us having kids to me...

BUT

I also think Cole should have told the man to shut the hell up!! or at least demand that we get that 8th grandbaby as payment for being so dag gum pushy and not shutting his mouth after the 3rd time Cole said we had medical issues.

This weeks Reading List

2009-11-06T12:16:00.002-06:00

The Vampire Academy series (minus book 4) and the first 2 books of the Percy Jackson & the Olympians series....they're both awesome, action packed series- I didn't want to put them down the first time that I read them. :)

Banned

2009-11-05T10:59:00.003-06:00

I just found out that not one, but 2 of my favorite author's book series have been banned by schools in the state of Texas- some of the books haven't even been published or written yet. Seriously! Your kids get more sexual content and nudity watching tv than they would reading these books. Do I think that kids in elementary school or even junior high kids should read these- um, probably not. Unless your child is mature. Really though- even these kids are exposed to the crappy content on tv, movies, and video games everyday- unless they are structurally sheltered. I checked the list of books banned this year- and I would read every one of them, not because they're banned but they sound interesting- even the gay penguin book. Why ban books? Most of your children don't read anyway! Why not gun to have sexual content, nudity, and profanity banned from tv, video games and movies? There's your problem - most people don't bother to read any more...but they almost all use technology to baby sit their kids.

I'm sorry for being on my soap box about this...it just irks me to no end.

It's an issue I've had to deal with thanks to my in-laws trying to get Harry Potter banned from their kids school- even though my hubby was already graduated and his brother was a senior....and we've gotten into several discussion over this- about whether or not I would allow my kids to read HP...heck yeah! I read the whole series at least once every 3 months- if they only knew how many vampire books series I own, or that I have the Golden Compass (not that I would allow any child under 14 read the 2nd and 3rd book) series too...they would really crap themselves :) Ignorance is bliss right!?

I'm with Stupid

2009-10-30T12:10:00.002-05:00

Anyone who comes in contact with me today should be required to wear a shirt that says " I'm with Stupid" and the arrow pointing at me...

I walked into the cafeteria for lunch, to buy a DP from the vending machine...my dollar in my hand, I walked right up to the ice machine, and stood there trying to figure out where my money was suppose to go in. And if that weren't enough, I had to wonder why there was a sign on the coke machine telling me that there was a boil water notice. I mean, you don't need to boil water to drink coke...and I still stood there wondering where my money was suppose to go, before I caught a glimpse of the real coke machine to my right.

Thank God there wasn't anyone in the cafeteria to see my stupidity :)

Happy Halloween!!

2009-10-30T09:29:00.003-05:00

What you need to know about me through pictures (googled and binged of course! ).... Thanks Sarah- I'm totally bootlegging your post :)

1. My favorite drink is:

at work: out to eat: mudding/dancing:

2. I'm from:

3. my favorite tv show (s):
<--that's Duck Commander (it's hilarious!)
3. This week at work, I've read:
it's been a slow week :)

4. My celebrity crush :

Quidditch World Cup

2009-10-23T09:47:00.002-05:00

http://www.collegequidditch.com

Why am I just finding out about this? It's the 3rd Annual Quidditch World Cup...

this fictional sport has made it's way into the real world, and colleges every where are getting in on it....

you don't believe me... Teams
LSU is playing in the world cup
Texas Tech is a newly formed team
Texas A & M will be playing in the world cup
UT is a newly formed team

even my old college McNeese is in the process of forming a team...

I think this is totally awesome and wish I was still 18- because I would totally be playing :)

Pics of the furbabies

2009-10-22T20:26:00.005-05:00

They're finally BOTH 1 year old. Trigger is weighing in at a whopping 80 lbs, and he is only 1 yr and 14 days. Marlee is 46 lbs at 15 months.

she thinks she's in trouble because I took her stick away to take the pic :)

So I was mean with this pic, and was waving his toy above my head (because we were in the middle of fetching) and when he gets in the zone he gets so excited that he sucks in his cheeks and bites his lips. I'm just glad he isn't showing his "lipstick"

a little sad

2009-10-20T19:36:00.002-05:00

I'm sitting here watching The Biggest Loser.

and the black team has just got sent home

all of the team members BUT Shay have alot of friends and family to greet them when they got home.

i feel really sad for her. it was just her husband and her 2 step sons...that was it.

she already tugs at my heart strings because she is the heaviest- ever!

and in one of the challenges, she mentioned that she works 3 jobs sometimes just to pay the bills...then to see that she only had those 3 people...well it made me very sad.

i hope she stays the whole go round

show-n-tell

2009-10-19T20:29:00.005-05:00

i thought i did a pretty bang up job :)

hmph

2009-10-19T10:04:00.002-05:00

Ever feel like the harder you try, the harder it gets to do anything...period? okay. so that's rhetorical really...but that's where i'm at.

i pray and i try...
pray and try harder...

repeat...

nothing.

it's exhausting

This~n~That

2009-10-08T12:48:00.000-05:00

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'

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Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'.. .and thus, the word GOLF entered into the English language.

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Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.

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Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

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Coca-Cola was originally green.

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It is impossible to lick your elbow.

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The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:
Alaska
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The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)

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The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
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The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:
$ 16,400
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The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour:
61,000
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Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair..

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The first novel ever written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.

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The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

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Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
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111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321
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If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes

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Only two people signed the Declaration of Independenc e on July 4, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
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Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?

A. Their birthplace
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Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?

A. Obsession
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Q.. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'?

A. One thousand
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Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have in common?

A. All were invented by women.
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Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
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Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?

A. Father's Day
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In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase...'Goodnight , sleep tight'
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It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
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In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.'

It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'
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Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill , they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.
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At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

Watch this

2009-10-08T11:41:00.000-05:00

Amazing grace

What I've learned from TV this week

2009-10-08T10:18:00.003-05:00

1.) Don't have sex with your roommate- unless you're married of course :)
2.) ripping your toenail off is a bloody mess.
3.) don't marry someone you don't love just so that you can say that you're married...or because you're afraid of being alone.
4.) for every action is an opposite reaction.
5.) don't date your co-worker and then shoot at them.
6.) just because you've taken dance class, doesn't mean that you can dance.
7.) doing what's best for you isn't always what's best for everyone else.
8.) jellyfish, cooked the right way, looks tasty.
9.) tracy should just go home.
10.) sometimes working ahead of schedule will cause bigger problems later.

Can you guess which shows I've learned from this week?

a) ace of cakes
b) how i met your mother
c) hannah montana
d) glee
e) next iron chef america
f) biggest loser
g) so you think you can dance
h) wizards of waverly place
i) csi: miami

** one of these is twice **

2 years down...a lifetime to go

2009-10-05T09:37:00.002-05:00

2 years ago today, Cole and I were waking up in Eureka Springs, Arkansas headed to eat breakfast with my parents before they were to leave to head back home. We did alot of the touristy stuff- antique pictures, shopping, site seeing...oh! and filing our marriage license with the courthouse :) Yep. Yesterday was our anniversary.

It turned out to be a very nice day. Uncle Kenneth cooked hamburgers, hot dogs and boudain, and he and Aunt Candy had us all (me, cole, brandee, jarrod, krissy, megan, totsie, mom and aunt vicki) over for lunch...those were the best hot dogs i have had in 4ever! For supper, mom cooked shrimp and mashed potatoes.

Oh! did i mention that it was opening weekend of bow season? Cole was good- thanks to the rain- and only hunted on Saturday.

So Random

2009-09-18T13:37:00.004-05:00

If y'all get a chance, stop by my blogger friend, Stacey's blog, and give her a hug...I think she could use one today.
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I really do hate being asked "How are you?" Do people really want to know? Because when i really want to know how someone's doing, i usually follow up with a personal inquiry- I heard you got a new job. Love your new hair do. Have you lost weight?...you know, something along those lines.

I have the first 4 chapters of my book- that i plan to write at some point in time- floating around my head. i won't lie...they're pretty awesome!

Megan and I may or may not be about to embark into screenwriting territory. I'll make sure to shout out to my blog readers during my oscar speech :)

The least likeliest person to want to be a mom in my high school bff group, will be welcoming her little girl in the next month. But i am already tired of lady bugs- sorry lauren :) those hostesses have gone lady bug crazy.

i read 3 books about a succubus this week, and after reading each one- i always felt drained...hmm that seems fishy.

I've been averaging about 7 1/2 books a week at work.

both of my furbabies have gone on their first hunts this month. Marlee went dove hunting twice and loved it.(season opened Sept1) Trigg went on his first duck hunt (it's teal season) yesterday- and of course, he loved it too! And they both were depressed when they had to stay home. Marlee was so sad that I had to keep her in her inside kennel because i was afraid she would try to get out of the kennel outside. She was crying- not whining- but crying. I felt so bad for her. I don't know what i will do for the rest of duck season with her. Do they have antidepressants for dogs?

Marlee will be coming into heat for her second time in the next 2 weeks, and we plan on breeding her and Trigg. I hope she doesn't have her mommy's problem of not being able to have babies. I've already told Cole that the puppies will be sleeping with us and marlee in the bed. I bet Trigg will decide to sleep with us then too :) He usually only sleeps in the bed when Cole is working nights. I hope/plan on ripping up all the carpet in the house, and putting down hardwood floors before the little ones arrive.